My script is called CEMENT PILLOW
LucienYorkPenpusher
Christ living a normal life as a normal dude decides to defend himself against a brutal police force bringing him face to face with his estranged daughter who is trying to kill him.
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Please restrict your posting of new versions of the same logline to the single original thread.
In order for Christ to be Christ, he needs to sacrifice himself and get resurrected. From your logline, it sounds like your Christ skipped the major shenanigans in the new testament and went on to live a normal life, and if that’s the case, it’s just a story about a guy trying to avoid being killed by his daughter.
Other than that, the plot is unclear and the premise confusing.
What is his goal? What does he need to achieve as a result of the threat from his daughter? And what does “…bringing him face to face with his estranged daughter…” mean? Do they come up to him on the street with her in custody and show them to each other? Is she a part of the police force and is leading them to catch him? Why would the police be after him in the first place? Why does she want to kill her own father? Is it because they became estranged?
No need to answer the above questions in a direct reply. These are only a few of the questions the logline raises and likely will confuse most people.
Is Christ your character’s name or a brave ‘Figure of belief’ followed by many.
(note: I am not referring to Almighty but someone enjoying a good public stature.)
If he is living a normal life as a normal dude, narrow this character down to a ‘normal being’.
The character decides to defend against a brutal police force – Why? What made him take such a huge decision? You must mention it in a logline. If you want to keep it a secret (the reason of such decision) fram your words for better representation.
estranged daughter is trying to kill him! Your character being a normal guy has an estranged daughter; you must have worked on a backstory of your character (it is a good practice to always have a backstory of every character) which is not being reflected in your logline.
As of now this logline does not work for any good reason. It seems to be lacking a proper structred thought. Frame it again figuring your inciting incident, key incident, challange/conflict of your character and your ending of the story (you have an option of not revealing the story but structure the words to create a sense of curiosity among readers).