Posted: 2012-08-19T10:03:45+10:00 In:

Death has not any trouble killing anyone, but an old man hides his scythe and makes Death go back to his house to kill him, in that time he prepares a surprise for Death.

Tricky Death

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    5 Reviews

    1. Singularity

      Kind of sounds like the old Russian tale called ‘The Soldier and Death’ where a man traps Death in a magical sack and prevents him from doing his work.

      The logline needs clarification as to who is the MC and who is the AN starts off as if Death is MC but then the POV switches to the old man.
      Whilst the motivations are clear as, old man wants to live and Death wants to kill, it needs a clear stat to the story what incident sparks the events off.

      Nir.

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    2. Logliner

      It reads like the setup for a short film, not a feature. The ‘surprise’ doesn’t sound like it is going to last an entire feature act (or, between 45 and 60mins).

      The sentence could be structured more elegantly, as Nir implied with his understanding of the shifting POV.

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    3. Thanks Nir, I just read that story and made me think a lot. Karel it is up for a short film.

      For me the MC all the story is Death and the man as an AN.

      Thanks a lot for your response! =)

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    4. Thanks Nir, I have prepared the script for this short film, and I would love if you could give me some advice, You I could contact you in a more personal way to tell you about it?

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    5. The logline does not flow off the tongue. The repeated Death, Death, Death is unwieldy. You don’t need to tell us that Death has not had any trouble killing anyone. Be as concise as possible: Something like: “When a tricky old man hides Death’s scythe, the source of his power, Death must find the man and retrieve it. But the old man has a surprise for him…” I’m not sure this tells us enough about the script, but it’s easier to read.

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