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BfehreLogliner
Posted: June 24, 20172017-06-24T14:06:21+10:00 2017-06-24T14:06:21+10:00In: Adventure

Down an english mine, an unexpected explosion damages David’s chance of earning a decent living, thus sending ripples through the Cornish village.

Down an english mine, an unexpected explosion damages David’s chance of earning a decent living, thus sending ripples through the Cornish village.
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    4 Reviews

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    1. dpg Singularity
      2017-06-24T22:22:58+10:00Added an answer on June 24, 2017 at 10:22 pm

      And then what?

      This sets up a situation, a crisis that follows from the inciting incident (the explosion). ?Now what is the plot, the course of action, that follows? ?And who is the protagonist that is the focal point of the action? ?Those are the questions an industry acceptable logline needs to answer, the information that the logline needs to provide.

      Consult the “Rules” link at the top of the web page for guidelines on how to write an industry acceptable logline.

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    2. Foxtrot25 Uberwriter
      2017-06-24T22:46:19+10:00Added an answer on June 24, 2017 at 10:46 pm

      Conflicting message. An explosion deep inside of a mine rips through the village? How does that happen exactly? I would think this is one or the other for an explosion. Follow dpg’s advice and fill in the formula. You have the explosion as a catalyst, now who must do what before something bad happens.

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    3. Richiev Singularity
      2017-06-25T12:10:14+10:00Added an answer on June 25, 2017 at 12:10 pm

      You need a lead character

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    4. Neer Shelter Singularity
      2017-06-26T06:02:06+10:00Added an answer on June 26, 2017 at 6:02 am

      Not much more to say all the above comments covered it all.

      Best you check out the ‘Formula’ tab up top for more information about loglines.

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