Uberwriter
Posted: 2017-08-28T14:30:58+10:00 In:

Desperate to keep her sister out of the drug trade a jaded girl makes one last drug run for her dealer who has set her up for a hit mistakenly suspecting she is a confidential informant.

Desperate to keep her sister out of the drug trade a jaded girl makes one last drug run for her dealer who has set her up for a hit mistakenly suspecting she is a confidential informant.
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    6 Reviews

    1. Uberwriter

      I don’t like it. It’s not bad, but I don’t care for the drug repeated 2 times. It also needs more of a goal for the MC.

      Best I can think of at the moment.

      Desperate to save her sister from a drug dealer, a jaded girl is mistaken for a police informant and finds herself running from a bounty placed on her head.

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    2. Singularity

      You’ve posted this before – I remmebr the concept, which must mean something. I can’t say this sounds like a sound premise, it comes across as unecessarily complex and lacking in a clear plot.

      What specific event motivates the drug runner to take action?

      What exactly is she wanting to achieve? What does keep her sister out of the drug trade mean? Is there a definitive moment, event or objective that will make it clear her sister gets out of the drug trade?

      I suppose that what’s confusing me is the lack of cause and effect between all the elments – what is it that happens to the MC that makes her want to save her sister and what specificaly does that mean?

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    3. Singularity

      When I read the logline I’m confused. ?Her objective to goal is to keep her sister from getting involved in the drug trade…. by getting involved in the drug trade herself (one last time).

      Say what??How will ?running drugs save her sister from the getting involved in the drug trade? ?What’s the cause-and-effect relationship here?

      Or, to put it another way, what is the inciting incident that provokes the protagonist into believing she must do this drug run to prevent her sister from getting involved?

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    4. Uberwriter

      Agreed with nir and dpg, good advice, and to add, I’m more interested in what kind of advice these “podcasts” are giving screenwriters. Not saying it’s bad, just wondering if it’s worth it to listen to any of it.

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    5. Uberwriter

      I am really finished the script. I was interested in getting your opinion on the logline after a professional and ex-development Exe had worked on it. Thanks.

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    6. Uberwriter

      Craig,

      How about describing more about the dealer, instead of just the avg. “her dealer” Why is this guy going to be a handful for the MC to negotiate with?

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