Desperately trying to remember the events of his past , A man who suffers from Amnesia with superhuman powers crosses paths with a very strange life form that claims knowing of his past. However the governements of the world targets him and consider him as a danger.
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Desperately trying to remember the events of his past , A man who suffers from Amnesia with superhuman powers crosses paths with a very strange life form that claims knowing of his past. However the governements of the world targets him and consider him as a danger.
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It needs to be clarified how he remembers anything since by definition having amnesia means he doesn’t remember what he’s supposed to remember.
It also needs to be clarified as to what his objective goal is. ?What is he trying to accomplish? ?Why MUST he recover those memories?
And what’s at stake? ?That is, what difference does it make whether or not he recovers his memories? ?What is lost or suffered if he fails? ?What is gained if he succeeds?
Agreed with DPG.
I’ll add that the structure and wording of the logline are working against it.
The logline is too long and describes too many details that don’t contribute to a better understanding of the plot. I suggest you use whatever caused him to have amnesia as the inciting incident and describe it first. For example:
After a car crash, a superhero suffers amnesia and must fight his way across the world against secret agents to find out the truth.
This isn’t necessarily your story but it demonstrates economy in descriptions. I also think it would be better to give the MC a clearer goal aside from finding out the truth, is there a nemesis?
On top of what the others said, I believe the last sentence could be omitted.
Or at least edited to the point where it doesn’t feel unneeded or shoehorned in
“When he discovers a strange life form who claims to know his past, an amnesiac must…”