Penpusher
Posted: 2018-04-09T02:08:28+10:00 In:

Does my logline work, is it clear and show the character, event, and action.

A young black Caribbean girl from the ghetto leaves an unfit mother, protective grandmother, and drug lord godfather to live with a so-called Dad in Suburbia America where she uses her street sense to overcome prejudice and ignorant stereotypes.

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    5 Reviews

    1. Best Answer
      Uberwriter

      I would like to see a ghetto girl outsmart city brats (and maybe fall for one of them) it’s an interesting premise…

      Character: A young black Caribbean girl from the ghetto

      Event: leaves her unfit mother, a protective grandmother and drug lord godfather to live with her so-called dad in suburbia America

      Goal: ?? (heart of a logline)

      Action: where she uses her street sense to overcome prejudice and ignorant stereotypes

      Conflict:?? (not necessary to mention, but must be implied)

      It’s not enough to show character, event and goal (not action) They must tightly relate to each other.
      You are not mentioning “three seperate things” but “one logline”

      The way I see it, drop a goal for her…then create necessary conflict. Reverse Engineer your way to the event to satisfy “why this character” and “why now”

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    2. Best Answer
      Singularity

      What’s the difference between a “so called Dad” and a real one?

      And as variable pointed out, she needs a specific objective goal.? “….overcome prejudice and ignorant stereotypes.” is general, nonspecific.? ? The overcoming needs to be translated into a specific game plan.? Exactly how does she propose to win her peers acceptance and respect?

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    3. Best Answer
      Singularity

      You seem to spend a lot of time on the backstory because the forward story seems to be about facing prejudice in America. In other words, you don’t really need to tell us in the logline how she got to America;
      ——————————————————————–
      “When she moves?in with her stepfather in Compton California, a? spirited Caribbean?runaway must use her homespun common sense and smarts to overcome the prejudices and stereotypes she receives from an unwelcoming neighborhood.”

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    4. Best Answer
      Uberwriter

      Can you give us a series of events that show how she overcomes prejudice etc.

      • 0
    5. Best Answer
      Samurai

      When she ordered by a judge to move in with her estranged father and his family in Bel-Air, a street wise black teenager girl from the ghetto must overcome prejudice and ignorant stereotypes.

      I might be wrong, but to me Compton California is more ghetto than suburbia.
      I like the idea that a judge on the recommendation of DCS is forcing both the teenager and the estranged /absent father to forge a new relationship.

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