Penpusher
Posted: 2015-09-29T02:22:14+10:00 In:

Down on his luck and fed up with his life in general, a black male is stopped by police in search of a suspect that fits his description.

Down on his luck and fed up with his life in general, a black male is stopped by police in search of a suspect that fits his description.
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    6 Reviews

    1. Samurai

      When a down-on-his-luck?black male is stopped by police in search of a suspect that fits his description, he…

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    2. Penpusher

      I agree with Stevey here. There are too many different directions this could go in. The situation you’ve described is something that happens every day in America and the whole world. We need you to tell us what makes this character special. What does he finally do when he reaches his tipping point?

      • 0
    3. Mentor

      Hello,
      try to focus on the whole movie not only on the initial situation or the inciting event. It’s a starting point, now think about where the story goes… what happens?

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    4. Singularity

      As noted by others, the logline sets up an inciting incident for a plot, but it doesn’t tell us what the plot is.? That is, what must he do, what becomes his objective goal as a result of being pulled over.

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    5. Logliner

      Needs more story. Why was he stopped? What happened after or before being stopped? This sounds like the?catalyst for the actual story.

      • 0
    6. Penpusher

      It sound like the oscar winning short film

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