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CaptainMayI19ppLogliner
Posted: May 31, 20172017-05-31T02:36:28+10:00 2017-05-31T02:36:28+10:00In: Thriller

Driven by anger and guilt a suspended detective investigates another murder believing it?s connect to his partners brings him face to himself to an answer that will kill him or save him.

Driven by anger and guilt a suspended detective investigates another murder believing it?s connect to his partners brings him face to himself to an answer that will kill him or save him.
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    1. dpg Singularity
      2017-05-31T04:40:54+10:00Added an answer on May 31, 2017 at 4:40 am

      >>>brings him face to himself to an answer that will kill him or save him.

      It’s a standard expectation for the genre that the protagonist’s dramatic journey will eventually deliver him to a life or death moment, a situation of maximum mortal jeopardy. ?So this phrase is unnecessary, excess verbiage.

      And it adds no value to the logline because it’s not a story hook. ?It’s not a story hook because:

      1] it’s vague; “an answer” could mean any 1 ?of ?a 1,000,001 things. ?Which for the purpose of a logline is to say it means nothing. ? It conveys no specific information to a director or producer as to why he should ?want to read the script ,why the “answer” to be revealed in this script is going to be different, unique from the answers in ?a 1,001 movies already made about detectives solving cases.

      2] The “answer”— the Big Reveal — comes too late, ?in the 2nd Act or early in the 3rd Act, to qualify as ?hook for the purpose of a logline. ?Hooks for logline purposes occur in the 1st Act, no later than early in the 2nd Act. ?(See my post for a logline for “The Matrix”?for further discussion on that point.)

      So, then, what’s left ? ?”Driven by anger and guilt a suspended detective investigates another murder believing it?s connect to his partner’s death” ?Well, what is the inciting incident in this situation? ?What is the specific and peculiar nature of the ?”other murder” that leads the detective to believe it’s connected to the murder of his partner? ?IOW: what’s the evidentiary hook for the detective in the “other murder”. ?And could this also be the candidate for the story hook for the logline reader?

      fwiw

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