Penpusher
Posted: 2018-02-08T13:19:16+10:00 In:

During a civil war, an arrogant music teacher must lead her chaotic children’s choir to safety through music and games.

During a civil war, an arrogant music teacher must lead her chaotic children’s choir to safety through music and games.
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    5 Reviews

    1. Singularity

      >>>During a civil war…

      Where?? When? Is this based on real events or total fiction?

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    2. Singularity

      Wording is everything.
      Instead of leading the children to safety through music and games
      You should write? she leads the children to safety through a war zone
      Or something to that effect.
      That way you give the reader some stakes.

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    3. Uberwriter

      I really like the premise!
      both dpg and Richiev are right

      your plot length depends on how far away safety is.
      I am dubious if soldier from any side could harm children (if it’s a civil war)
      also would the teacher still behave arrogant in a situation when she too is worried about the safety her own kid (somewhere out there)
      Or is it a character flaw she must overcome through this journey
      good luck for your story joe!

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    4. Penpusher

      I would definitely take all your points! Thank you so much for the help!

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    5. Samurai

      It reminds me of an old (very old) black and white French movie.
      During the occupation, a young friar hides a Jewish family into a catholic school.
      The school boy choir is used as entertainment for the German troops. The young friar has to teach the Jewish kids all the Christian songs. If I remember correctly, at the end it is revealed that the kids have survived, but that the friar died in a concentration camp.

      That is a story that an still be retold in a war setting: Balkan war, Iraq, Syrian, RDC civil wars. A teacher uses games to shield children from the atrocities of their situation. Music can be used as a bargaining chip for their survival.

      I like your Logline, I would just change the adjective describing the teacher from arrogant to pampered. Used to good life suddenly thrown in chaos and misery because of her job and the children situation.

      During a civil war, a pampered music teacher must manage an orphanage shield the children from the war atrocities while negotiating neutral ground with all warring parties.

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