Sign Up Sign Up

Captcha Click on image to update the captcha.

Have an account? Sign In Now

Sign In Sign In

Forgot Password?

If you'd like access, Sign Up Here

Forgot Password Forgot Password

Lost your password? Please enter your email address. You will receive a link and will create a new password via email.

Captcha Click on image to update the captcha.

Have an account? Sign In Now

Sorry, you do not have permission to ask a question, You must login to ask a question.

Forgot Password?

To see everything, Sign Up Here

Please briefly explain why you feel this question should be reported.

Please briefly explain why you feel this answer should be reported.

Please briefly explain why you feel this user should be reported.

Logline It! Logo Logline It! Logo
Sign InSign Up

Logline It!

Logline It! Navigation

  • Sign Up
  • Logline Generator
  • Learn our simple Logline Formula
  • Search Loglines
Search
Post Your Logline

Mobile menu

Close
Post Your Logline
  • Signup
  • Sign Up
  • Logline Generator
  • Learn our simple Logline Formula
  • Search Loglines
thedarkhorseSamurai
Posted: April 19, 20192019-04-19T18:04:31+10:00 2019-04-19T18:04:31+10:00In: Western

During a notoriously bleak winter, a wanted frontiersman must protect the family he?s taken refuge with from an unscrupulous company that wants their land.

During a notoriously bleak winter, a wanted frontiersman must protect the family he?s taken refuge with from an unscrupulous company that wants their land.
  • 1
  • 4 4 Reviews
  • 351 Views
  • 0 Followers
  • 0
Share
  • Facebook

    Post a review
    Cancel reply

    You must login to add an answer.

    Forgot Password?

    To see everything, Sign Up Here

    4 Reviews

    • Voted
    • Oldest
    • Recent
    1. thedarkhorse Samurai
      2019-04-24T21:47:55+10:00Added an answer on April 24, 2019 at 9:47 pm

      Thanks for the feedback guys. I shall take your notes and see what I can do.

      • 0
      • Reply
      • Share
        Share
        • Share on Facebook
        • Share on Twitter
        • Share on LinkedIn
        • Share on WhatsApp
    2. Ckharper Samurai
      2019-04-24T14:26:16+10:00Added an answer on April 24, 2019 at 2:26 pm

      Durning a snowstorm, a fugitive frontiersman takes refuge with a family, but the hunted becomes the hunter when he must protect the family from a company trying to take their land.

      • 0
      • Reply
      • Share
        Share
        • Share on Facebook
        • Share on Twitter
        • Share on LinkedIn
        • Share on WhatsApp
    3. Robb Ross Samurai
      2019-04-23T00:28:32+10:00Added an answer on April 23, 2019 at 12:28 am

      Good. A few tweaks can elevate it…

      Bleak is not such a bad thing and it doesn’t get worse with notoriously. Or is it clearer to say a harsh winter?

      Wanted for murder? Robbery? Offer a sense of the tension between the family and him.

      Unscrupulous is redundant and better to add specifics. For example, “A land grabber’s ruthless henchmen.”

      Still, it sounds straightforward or common. Not a terrible thing if the writing is great. But try working on the theme now (sometimes it becomes clearer or changes during the writing stage) to see what else the story can do. What’s the (thematic) question that would run through the script? ‘Is he a good guy or bad guy?’ ‘Is he beyond redemption?’ ‘Can he have a normal life and family?’ Etc. Each one demands its own adjustments.

      • 0
      • Reply
      • Share
        Share
        • Share on Facebook
        • Share on Twitter
        • Share on LinkedIn
        • Share on WhatsApp
    4. variable Uberwriter
      2019-04-19T20:48:22+10:00Added an answer on April 19, 2019 at 8:48 pm

      I like this. It’s easy to identify with the protagonist, his fine mystery and his goal. Kurosawa’s Mifune comes to mind. Good luck with your writing.

      • 0
      • Reply
      • Share
        Share
        • Share on Facebook
        • Share on Twitter
        • Share on LinkedIn
        • Share on WhatsApp

    Sidebar

    Stats

    • Loglines 7,997
    • Reviews 32,189
    • Best Reviews 629
    • Users 3,710

    screenwriting courses

    Adv 120x600

    aalan

    Explore

    • Signup

    Footer

    © 2022 Karel Segers. All Rights Reserved
    With Love from Immersion Screenwriting.