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Caleb TumanakoLogliner
Posted: February 6, 20192019-02-06T16:03:27+10:00 2019-02-06T16:03:27+10:00In: Horror

After a toxic incident occurs during an online gaming stream, the streamer and his close circle of friends are targeted in real life as the streamer attempts to find out who’s behind the attacks.

After a toxic incident occurs during an online gaming stream, the streamer and his close circle of friends are targeted in real life as the streamer attempts to find out who’s behind the attacks.
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    5 Reviews

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    1. Knightrider Mentor
      2019-02-06T16:33:13+10:00Added an answer on February 6, 2019 at 4:33 pm

      Everything feels disconnected, also we know little about Protagonist.

      I don?t feel people should be random, as they?re then not really an influence on the hero.

      Is his inner circle different from the famous gamers? Also are they in the same place as gaming live-streams don?t require you to be in same place.

      If the core idea is gamers being hunted during a livestream you need to figure out how to connect it all.

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    2. Knightrider Mentor
      2019-02-06T16:35:34+10:00Added an answer on February 6, 2019 at 4:35 pm

      Also, you post this in the horror so could you have the game somehow be the monster that if their characters die on screen they die in real life and should they quit it is death only way is to complete the game, but might need to move it away from Jumanji

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    3. Caleb Tumanako Logliner
      2019-02-06T17:42:57+10:00Added an answer on February 6, 2019 at 5:42 pm

      Re-worded. The game is not the monster here, it’s a real person(s).

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    4. Mike Pedley Singularity
      2019-02-06T19:03:00+10:00Added an answer on February 6, 2019 at 7:03 pm

      Check out the “Our formula” page for help with formatting. I imagine games can frequently get verbally and psychologically toxic so, in my head, the inciting incident that flips the protagonist’s world upside down is when something happens to one of his friends. This then ties up to his goal of figuring out what’s going on.

      I think there needs to be more specifics in this logline. What does “game turns verbally and psychologically toxic” actually mean? How are the MC and his friends targeted in real life? What happens to them? What sort of game are they playing? You don’t actually specify that it’s an online game but I’m assuming that’s what you mean? It’s always better not to allow the reader to make assumptions about what’s going on because that could be the difference between someone reading your screenplay and discarding it completely. What’s a public lobby match? What’s the time frame of this story – 1 night? 1 week? There’s a lot of elements that have left me with a lot of questions and very little answers.

      Where does the horror come into play? The genre you specify, particularly with horror and comedy, needs to be seen in your logline. The reader needs to understand where the horror/humour are coming from.

      You don’t actually give this character a goal. Everything you’ve given us is just one long inciting incident. What happens next? Does the MC have to fight to stay alive? Does he have to fight to save his friends? This goal needs to be closely related to the inciting incident. The I.I. asks a question of the protagonist and they have to proactively seek to answer it. For example – “When a shark kills a tourist” – This asks a question, what is the hero going to do about the shark? “the MC tries to kill the shark” – That’s his answer.

      Hope this helps.

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    5. Richiev Singularity
      2019-02-07T06:00:52+10:00Added an answer on February 7, 2019 at 6:00 am

      “When his online role-playing game collapses in a huge argument, a high school geek must turn investigator as the group members begin to be murdered one by one.”

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