Dying single father on the run from his criminal past pursues misguided romance with a wealthy heiress to procure a new suitable home for his young son with special needs, but gets swept into her troubled word and confronts commiting murder in the place of someone she loves.
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Dying single father on the run from his criminal past pursues misguided romance with a wealthy heiress to procure a new suitable home for his young son with special needs, but gets swept into her troubled word and confronts commiting murder in the place of someone she loves.
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Hi Ch,
It seems you are struggling with the English language. Is this correct?
The logline is confusing… It also seems as if there is just too much going on.
“Gets swept into her troubled word and confronts commiting murder” sits in the logline where we expect the 2nd act actions:
The first part is too generic. What does ‘gets swept into’ mean? What does it look like?
“Confronts committing murder” doesn’t really make sense to mee. Does he or doesn’t he?
Why not ask help from?a native English speaker when you work out what you would like to say? Then come back, and post a new version here in the comments. Good luck!
Focus on a specific inciting event, a main character, his goal, his opponent.
Avoid useless teasing like ” *committing murder* in the place of *someone she loves* ? ” – in a good logline you tell things or do not tell things, and let the curiosity arise from what you tell (or you tell not). If I ask you right know who is killed and why, can you answer? If not, this sentence is a kind of blueprint for what you’re supposed to know before writing the logline.