Penpusher
Posted: 2016-08-11T13:06:09+10:00 In:

Faced with his impending death, a middle-aged slacker takes on a series of odd jobs to earn enough money to afford a plot in a prestigious memorial park while trying to make amends with the woman he shouldn’t have let go.

Final Expenses

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    5 Reviews

    1. Singularity

      Is there anything standing in the lead’s way of his goal of earning the money

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    2. What does him getting his girlfriend back and the plot have to do with each other? Why does he decide he wants these things (the inciting incident)? Is there a better flaw than “slacker” because I feel it doesn’t fit with this “story”. Try;

      When a recently-dumped man goes through a mid-life crisis he attempts to?fulfill?a lifelong dream…

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    3. Singularity

      Agreed with the above comments.

      I also take issue with the fact that you have two goals;
      1 – afford a plot.
      2 – get the girl.
      But which do you see as the primary goal of the A plot? That’s the one you should focus on and describe.

      • 0
    4. Singularity

      As Nir Shelter asked, which one is the the primary goal, the more important? ?A logline (and plot) is best framed by one objective goal. ?Making amends is the more appealing of the two.

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    5. Singularity

      I actually like the plot about earning enough money for a grave, (Especially if the grave plot is beside someone he loves) I haven’t seen that movie.

      I have seen movies about people trying to make amends with someone they love.

      I would focus on the ‘grave’ plot in the logline and keep the other plotline for the script.

      But that is just me.

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