Forced to flee a city, an irresponsible young man finds himself standing up to sinister elements to save souls in a mysterious secluded town where no one is allowed to leave.
RickPenpusher
Forced to flee a city, an irresponsible young man finds himself standing up to sinister elements to save souls in a mysterious secluded town where no one is allowed to leave.
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How does the lead character “being forced to flee a city” relate to the secluded town, is the same person who forced him to flee the city the sinister element of the secluded town?
You have s lot here. But you need to be specific to make it work. I am not a believer that you need to start your inciting incident, leave that for the script. You need to state the story in your logline and give enough detail so people know what the story is about.
Sinister Elments could be anything from ghosts to a corrupt sheriff. Why aren?t people allowed to leave and is it important to the main story.
I think the boy standing up for a town that isn?t his feels like the story. But I can?t be sure. Can we have some specifics please.
>>>man finds himself
Passive.? The plot is finding him. The protagonist needs to be proactive — he needs to be in the drive’s seat of the plot with hands on the wheel steering — plots aren’t supposed to run on autopilot.
And as noted, “sinister elements” is vague. Be specific.? We have no idea why he had to flee the city nor what he must fight against in the town.
“When he’s trapped in a small Oregon town, an irresponsible?drifter must work with the terrified townsfolk to discover the weakness of the entity that has captured the town, if he is to stop it and free the citizens.”
>>>only to discover his own was stolen years before.
That’s an interesting Big Reveal, but it seems to be a spoiler, something the protagonist discovers late in 2nd Act or in the 3rd Act.? ? A logline should never contain a spoiler.
A late in the story Big Reveal, as dramatically interesting as it may be, doesn’t qualify as a story hook.? Why?? Because a story hook is a feature of the story that will attract and hold viewer interest? early on, in the 1st Act, in the 1st 30 minutes or so of the story — not later at the end of the 2nd? Act or in the beginning of the 3rd.? It’s an element that will be featured prominently in the trailers and teasers for the film.? Big Reveals can be hinted at in trailers and teasers– but they are never disclosed.? So they don’t belong in loglines either.
As far as I understand the concept,? the story hook seems to be that for some reason folks are trapped by a mysterious force in a town, a force that is also killing them off one by one.