Four hunters, all strangers, become lost in the woods while on the hunt for a rare but dangerous animal. Now they must survive the elements, the mysterious animal and themselves as they discover that not all of them are who they initially claimed to be.

Writing a logline about a single character is hard enough much less four of them. Unless multiple protagonists are critical to the plot at hand (it doesn’t seem critical), I suggest you re draft the story and focus on one of the hunters.

Secondly, brevity will always help, there are too many long descriptions and redundant details in this logline e.g: “…all strangers…” strangers or not the plot will still play out this description can be cut. “…rare…” rare or not the plot will still play out, the important description is dangerous so rare can be cut. Surviving the elements pales in comparison to a ferocious beast “…surviving the elements…” can be cut.? Even the word “…Now…” can be cut, it doesn;t contribute to the plot – every word counts.

Best you read up on logline conventions, check out the ‘Formula’ tab up top. A logline should start by describing an inciting incident – a single, out of the ordinary event that impacts the main character’s life. A logline should then describe, a preferably flawed, main character, and at the end one clear goal.

In this case, the MC wants to survive, but what does that mean? Keep on running around the forest for years ‘surviving’, or is there a car he or she must get to so they can make it back to civilization? Is there a safe heaven of somesort? A cabin, a ranger’s station? Anything, as long as it is specific? Perhaps they must kill the beast in order to survive?