Samurai
Posted: 2019-04-24T01:39:57+10:00 In:

Fresh from prison, a former drug dealer, struggling to rebuild his life and reconcile with an old flame becomes entangled in a world of duplicitous old friends and younger and more ruthless thugs when he agrees to help his best friend, a junkie war veteran, pay back a murderous mob boss, during the tumultuous, racially-divided week of the N.Y. Blackout of ?77.

Fresh from prison, a former drug dealer, struggling to rebuild his life and reconcile with an old flame becomes entangled in a world of duplicitous old friends and younger and more ruthless thugs when he agrees to help his best friend, a junkie war veteran, pay back a murderous mob boss, during the tumultuous, racially-divided week of the N.Y. Blackout of ?77.
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    5 Reviews

    1. Samurai

      Hi everyone. I used everyones feedback from last time. I hope it’s better. This is a TV pilot btw for a limited series. 8 episodes.

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    2. Uberwriter

      When he has a chance to reconcile with an old flame, why would he go out of the way to help a junkie? In that way “to struggle to rebuild life” and “to help someone pay back a murderous man” are two different goals working against each other.
      What is his one singular goal? Two different goals equals two different stories, unless they are part of such a causality, that he must help this guy, or lose the only chance of reconciling with an old flame – his last prospect of ‘a normal life’

      Secondly, what are the stakes? He agreed to help him out, but when the going gets tough he can always back out and lose nothing.

      Aim for 25-40 words per logline. It’s challenging but keeps us in check.

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    3. Samurai

      During the New York Blackout if ?77, a reformed drug addict reluctantly agrees to help his Vietnam veteran buddy seek revenge on a notorious mobster.

      It would still be better with irony. Perhaps a play on the word ?blackout? and white, if this is truly about racial tensions.

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    4. Singularity

      As variable said.? The character who seems to be in greater jeopardy is the old friend.? Who is in the driver’s seat of the plot, anyway?? Seems like the old friend is driving the plot, the ex-con is in the passenger seat, along for the ride.

      And what are the stakes for the ex-con?? What does he stand to lose if his friend fails to pay back the mob boss?

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    5. Samurai

      Thanks for the feedback, everyone. I’ve started rewriting the script for this one too. Okay. I’ll see what I can do…

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