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rpallynPenpusher
Posted: July 3, 20172017-07-03T02:05:37+10:00 2017-07-03T02:05:37+10:00In: Comedy

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    3 Reviews

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    1. Neer Shelter Singularity
      2017-07-03T17:36:20+10:00Added an answer on July 3, 2017 at 5:36 pm

      What happened to the logline?

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    2. dpg Singularity
      2017-07-03T04:59:45+10:00Added an answer on July 3, 2017 at 4:59 am

      As Dkpough1 said. ?At 85 words this is w-a-y too long for a logline. ?Please consult the guidelines under “Formula” at the top of the web page.

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    3. Dkpough1 Uberwriter
      2017-07-03T02:18:54+10:00Added an answer on July 3, 2017 at 2:18 am

      “After 35 years as the most storied and controversial figure in Jr High Talent Shows, flamboyant show producer Mick Phillips sits down with award winning journalist Scott North for a behind the scenes look at creating the nations? most memorable moments of mediocrity. From nauseating displays of school spirit to launching the career of legendary blues man Don ?Whitey? Donaldson, Phillips and North take viewers down a painfully pubescent rabbit hole in the quest for popularity and social acceptance.” (79 words)

      This logline suffers from many problems. Please review the Formula tab at the top of the page for general information on creating a standard logline.

      First thing, unless the character is part of a well-established franchise or is a well-known historical figure, do not use their name in the logline, but an adjective or occupation. Preferably describe a flaw which will become an obstacle to achieving their goal or a skill which will help them achieve it.
      Also the logline doesn’t describe a clear,?visual?goal which the character pursues. What does the protagonist want? What is the thing that creates the conflict of the story? Because I can’t recognize any conflict from the logline. ?And what is the action we see on screen?
      Since the logline is labelled as a Comedy, it should focus on the comedic situation is. In other words: What’s the hook? What is it about this story that will make a producer want to make this over the other 999?comedy scripts being pitched to him/her?
      I hope this helps.

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