A divorcé redirects his self-hatred upon the very private investigator he had paid to spy on his ex after discovering their newly established relationship.
LotcherSamurai
A divorcé redirects his self-hatred upon the very private investigator he had paid to spy on his ex after discovering their newly established relationship.
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Hi Lotcher,
What do you think of this?
“An abusive jealous divorcee seeks vendetta against the private investigator he paid to spy on his ex, after discovering he has established a romantic relationship with her.
I hope this helps
Good Luck
Hi Ben,
This seems to roll off the tongue a lot better, thank you for your rewritten suggestion.
You are welcome, my friend. I’m glad you liked it.
In attempt to get the word count down to 25 words I’ve revised this to:
“After discovering a romance has begun, a self-hating divorcee reigns vendetta against the private investigator he simply had paid to spy on his ex.”
I replaced the descriptions of an “abusive” and/or “jealous” divorcee since these descriptors are already implied in the logline as a whole. I’ve instead decided to tell the manner in which he is abusive, and it all stems from his self-hating nature.
Let me read it a few times. I’ll get back to you in a few hours. Because I personally wouldn’t start with “After discovering a romance has begun”. I’ll give my opinion or review in a few hours.
How about this one?
“A self-hating divorcee reigns vendetta against the private investigator he paid to spy on his ex after discovering a romantic relationship between them instead.”
Gave it some thought and I went back to your original revision and came up with this:
“A divorcee redirects his self-hatred upon the very private investigator he had paid to spy on his ex after discovering their newly established relationship.”
There’s a lot of revisions here haha. Surely one of these are going places somewhat by now. What do you thing of this one?
It sounds great. I like it, too.
Hi Lotcher. Exciting plot.
I immediately thought: what if he paid a man to look after his wife (and not ex-wife)… The secret relationship would hurt the main character more, this way. 🙂
Hi NisVinten,
The idea of the story is based on a tragic protagonist who cannot live for himself after breaking up with his ex. Whilst the story has a lot to do with the events as I’ve tried best to describe them in the logline, the story is very much not a love triangle, rather it is more of a character study of the protagonist’s struggles of living without the very person he has obsessed about for most of his adult life. The protagonist has however remained distant friends with the ex, but the feeling of friendship is not mutual and this is what is eating away at the protagonist since he cannot sustainably live when he maintains little-to-no respect for himself in the aftermath of his relationship ending.
Thank you for the suggestion however since I can see that idea making sense in perhaps less bittersweet ending than I’ve got planned for this story.
Original logline:
“Having paid a man to “look after” his ex-wife, an abusive divorcee seeks revenge upon discovering the very private investigator he hired has begun a secret relationship with her.”