Logliner
Posted: 2017-04-04T20:24:33+10:00 In:

Her Ranger squad K.I.A , team leader and lone survivor Jo Rose is dishonourably discharged. Now a cash-strapped hitwoman, with a sister fallen to cancer, Jo must navigate the vicious world of professional hits and custody of her sisters kids, while surviving merciless Rangers that seek revenge.

Her Ranger squad K.I.A , team leader and lone survivor Jo Rose is dishonourably discharged. Now a cash-strapped hitwoman, with a sister fallen to cancer, Jo must navigate the vicious world of professional hits and custody of her sisters kids, while surviving merciless Rangers that seek revenge.
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    3 Reviews

    1. Singularity

      There are a lot of suggestions thrown around on this thread. However, I think best to focus your next draft of this logline on one inciting incident and one goal, thoughts about story world expansion should only come after you have one good plot for one good movie.

      What is her inciting incident which logically motivates her to achieve one goal in this one plot?

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    2. Singularity

      DoubleXX:

      My suggestion: think franchise or series. ?Focus on the origin story as the 1st episode that kick starts a franchise or a series. Producers are looking for characters who are more than one-movie wonders, who have the potential to create story lines extending over several movies or a multi-season series.

      And I think this character has that potential. ?How she is forced to become a character with a dual life is, in itself, worth a movie or the 1st season of a series.

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    3. Singularity

      I think you have all the ingredients for an interesting movie ?– but now you need a recipe that mixes them together in the right measures.

      You need a plot.

      A inciting incident that triggers the character to pursue a specific objective goal with high stakes despite deadly opposition.

      For my money, I would be interested in an origin story of a female assassin. ?How she came to be dishonorably discharged and forced to make a living , a career, out of using the only skills she had: to kill. ?How she comes to live a dual life as a Dr.Jekyll-Miss Hyde, a cold-blooded hit woman and a nurturing step-mom.

      fwiw

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