Jesus Saved Me But I’m Still a Jew
High school senior Koa Cohen's battle with ritualistic OCD is replaced by a condition in which he cannot distinguish between his unsettling day dreams and reality.
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Intriguing so far … But, when this happens to him, what does he have to do (what is his goal?), what is the action (what will he be doing to achieve this goal?), what does he need to learn or overcome to achieve.
Interestingly, I have just read a book called ‘The Obituary Writer’ … with a similar theme although not religious based … it was a pretty good read.
It’s more of a character study throughout. He learns that he can be in control of his own mind, and that improving his perceptions on life in general will eliminate the negativity in his subconscious that he unleashes when he thinks he is daydreaming. The character is quite unassuming outwardly, but very dark internally, and that alter ego that is normally trapped inside gets out when he goes into a “day dream”. So I guess he as a character doesn’t have a particular goal aside from dealing with the day to day, and through all of that haphazardly finds a new perspective which greatly improves his quality of life.
The religious theme is fairly non-existent; the title is just based a satirical dream that he has.
and thank you for your comment!
First of all, I think the concept has real potential for an compelling character-driven story. I know people who have been clinically diagnosed with OCD; they’re struggles and frustrations are heartbreaking.
So I don’t see the reason for switching his pathology from OCD to problems with distinguishing day dreams and reality. For one thing, in real life, OCD is not something that can be switched on and off. Medications may mitigate but do not remove the symptoms.
Why can’t he have BOTH? Couldn’t his day dreaming be a coping mechanism for the frustrations of OCD? Thus, his OCD could be the trigger for his day dreams?
And what Louise said. The logline needs to state an objective goal, something the character is struggling to achieve because or in spite of his psychological problems.
Best wishes with the concept.
I like your idea of doing a character study on a high school student who struggles with self-control of both his thoughts and behavior: it’s a very relative topic for today’s youth.
But I have to agree with dpg about the ritualistic OCD–it’s not a disorder that can be simply turned off or replaced (unless your character has a supernatural transforming life experience, as your title suggests.) Furthermore, I’m not sure day dreams (or day mares in this case) are truly what you’re describing: everyone day dreams, up to nearly half of our lifetimes, but this ‘condition’ that your explaining is more akin to a psychotic disorder (perhaps Schizophrenia or even a split personality.) In which case, your character is developing less control of his mind.
I like the hope that your story line could provide, but rather than haphazardly finding a new perspective that gives him self control, maybe you add someone or something that sets him on the path to redemption.
Blessings on your endeavor!
I have it so that his OCD controls him by a voice in his head that threatens him, says his mom will die if he doesn’t do his rituals, and when he forgets one small ritual, she dies, so he stops listening to it and thus OCD is gone, but develops a schizofrenic/hallucinating condition as you guys said from the trauma of the event
So what is his objective goal after his obsessive observance of rituals fails to save his mother (his previous objective goal)?
to be able to distinguish what is reality and what is not, and eventually improve his perspective on life so that his internal thoughts and external actions are more in sync
>>>to be able to distinguish what is reality and what is not
That’s a valid goal, but it seems to me to be more of a subjective goal. In contrast, the obsession with rituals to save his mother is clearly an objective goal. That is, the conflict is mostly external, hence, easy to dramatically visually, easy for the audience to determine whether he succeeds or fails. (He fails: she dies)
The conventional purpose of a logline is describe the objective goal. Subjective goals are ancillary to objective goals; they are intangible psychological conflicts that have to resolved in order to achieve the objective goal. A simplistic example: a character must overcome his fear of heights (subjective goal) in order to climb a steep mountain (objective goal).
I like the concept after working with people with personality disorders I would like to see where you take this. As for the logline maybe take out ‘:replaced by a condition’ and put in a goal. All the best.