Logliner
Posted: 2016-06-06T19:25:49+10:00 In:

In 1951,a physicist tasked with designing an early thermonuclear bomb, has a lesbian affair with her young lab assistant.She’s determined to complete the difficult design while struggling for survival when she discovers her lover to be a ruthless Soviet spy

In 1951,a physicist tasked with designing an early thermonuclear bomb, has a lesbian affair with her young lab assistant.She’s determined to complete the difficult design while struggling for survival when she discovers her lover to be a ruthless Soviet spy
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    4 Reviews

    1. Logliner

      See? if this strikes a more positive chord.? Sorry about the punctuation,? lost something in cut and paste.

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    2. Uberwriter

      The plot of the story to me, is that this physicist is making the bomb. How is she struggling for her life? Be specific. I would cut the love affair angle from the logline altogether, that’s a subplot, the main plot would be the assisstant being a spy. Also, it seems to me that the spy reveal would come late in the story, so that kind of twist doesn’t need to be in the logline necessarily.
      You need to include a plot in the logline.
      Something like:In 1951, a physicist is given 24 hours to build a thermonuclear bomb to stop her son from being killed.
      I ?used ideas from your logline, but this is my own creation.?This has stakes, a clear goal, and the plot.

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    3. Singularity

      I think the logline needs to clarify the central dramatic problem facing the scientist.

      What dramatic problem arises as a result of her lesbian relationship? ?Isn’t ?it the threat of blackmail, being exposed as a lesbian which in those dark ages of paranoia and prejudice would destroy her career?

      And what does the spy want from the scientist that she isn’t already getting by working on the inside as a lab assistant?

      The “early thermonuclear bomb” being developed at that time (1951) was the hydrogen bomb. ?So just call it for what it was. ?

      Finally, thermonuclear bombs were far too complex to be designed or built as solo efforts. ?It took a team effort. ?So she would not have been tasked to design it all by her lonesome which is the impression the logline seems to give. ?It would be accurate to say she was a member of team building the hydrogen bomb.

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    4. Singularity

      There appear to be two potential plots here;

      1 – Lover turns out to be a spy and the scientist must choose to either turn her in or save her then act on her choice. = inciting incident is spy discovery her goal is to protect the love interest.

      2 – A hydrogen bomb is needed the scientist must fight bigotry and sexism to achieve her goal of creating a bomb.= inciting incident is given the task to create a bomb, her goal is to make a bomb.

      Best you chose one of these as the central/A plot and focus the logline accordingly.

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