In 1977, a reformed ex-con, desperate to pay for his mother?s hospital bill, returns to his old life of drug dealing but soon learns the game has changed and the players are more ruthless than before.
thedarkhorseSamurai
In 1977, a reformed ex-con, desperate to pay for his mother?s hospital bill, returns to his old life of drug dealing but soon learns the game has changed and the players are more ruthless than before.
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the darkhorse:
>>>>you could sell a bad screenplay as long as it has that one great idea/hook/bait, etc
You raise an important point.? I’ve heard stories to that effect.? But here’s the catch.? They buy the script for the hook — but they don’t like the execution.? So they pay someone else to do a rewrite.? Which means that you, the original writer, lose total control of your script, get paid less, and have to share credit.
Oh cool. I’ll have to give that a look. Cheers.
In the past I agreed with Brian Koppelman’s “all screenwriting books are bullshit” motto. But at the same time, I think it’s good to educate yourself (“take what you need but don’t blindly believe them” is another motto). At the end of the day, I’m learning by failing and by experience (both valuable – now I know what not to do).
Yeah – I must admit it’s been a helluva past couple months. During the marketing/query stage I’ve done bibles, synopses, queries, loglines, one sheets, etc. And it all comes back to the hook/bait/gimmick/the big idea (like you said – whatever).
I saw an interview where a manager even says you could sell a bad screenplay as long as it has that one great idea/hook/bait, etc (explains a lot I guess). Right now – I’ve been rewriting all my scripts and it’s interesting to be doing it from the hook-logline-marketing perspective (at least I’ll know what to do next time).
Anyways, thanks for your help.
Hook, bait, gimmick… whatever.
I believe that a hook to be whatever is the element in the story that grabs and holds attention, piques interest in the script.? It could be a person, place, event or even a prop.? ?Whatever does the job.
BTW:? I was persuaded of its importance by someone who knew what he was talking about, an insider, a Hollywood player,? Alex Epstein.? ? Have you noticed that most books on screenwriting? are written by people who have never sold a script , never had a script produced?? Their books focus on plot, characters, action, dialogue — the staples.? ?They say little or nothing about the hook, what it is, or why a script needs one.
They may know theory, how to write the script,? but they don’t know marketing,? how to sell it.
The first chapter of Epstein’s how-to, “Crafty Screenwriting: Writing? Movies That Get Made” is devoted solely to The Hook. “If your story does not have a hook, you are probably wasting your time writing the screenplay… If your objective is to get a picture made, and if you are not pals with influential people in show business, then it is a rule you should pay attention to.”? (Page 8-9)
We build up to the Blackout. Then the last few episodes will be the aftermath. So – it will come at the midpoint of the season. We?ll have flash forwards building up to it.?
Hmm. I always thought the hook was the ?gimmick? (or at least that?s what Syd Field refers to it to as). Okay. I?ll need to think about this. Cheers.
The Blackout lasted two days. Even if it’s stretched, how can it last long enough for a series?
For the sake of discussion, a hook without the main character is a fraction of productions or depends on how one defines a hook for the sake of a logline…and my thoughts are more movie-oriented. One that comes to mind is ‘Amazing cars’ for The Fast and The Furious. However, note that the hook is something uncommon since most people don’t see those cars up close and certainly not in wild stunts. Compare that to ‘Late-70s New York’ or even ‘The drug trade in late-70s NY,’ which are known to many people.
Examples of a hook when the setting is known or common: ‘In late-70s Brooklyn, a poor altar boy doubles as a drug dealer.’ ‘The early years of (recent big criminal) in late-70s NY.’ ‘Young lawyer disillusioned with a prestigious life in Manhattan doubles as a drug dealer in Brooklyn’ (and then the time and place enrich it).
‘Ex-con doing what he used to do (in late-70s NY), but with new people involved’ is not yet the hook.
I’d say both. The protagonist’s war veteran best friend kills the murderous mob boss’ daughter. Though the protagonist is looking after his friend – there’s conflict here – he has to eventually pick a side and perhaps let go of this guy who has been nothing but a thorn. (One of the themes is whether people can change).
All this happens during a time when other loved ones are in jeopardy. The blackout = no rules, make money/lose money, there’s a lot of opportunities here for a man who’s straddling between good and evil and who is desperate to let go of his past despite not being able to. He could easily let him go but he can’t – and that’s explored throughout the show. Why would he go to hell and back for a friend who (most likely) wouldn’t do the same. (I’d love to go the Scorsese/ martyr complex route – and he’s essentially doing penance by looking after his Johnny Boy).?
There’s also “The Warriors” territory too. I imagined them having to pass through bad neighbourhood after bad neighbourhood to get home.
The stakes = his soul.
The Black Out either complicates or facilitates his objective goal?? Which is it?
What is his objective goal, anyway?? What? must he pull off during the Black Out?
Or else what?? (The stakes)
Okay… How about…
A reformed ex-con, desperate to pay for his mother?s hospital bill, returns to his old life of drug dealing but soon learns the game has changed and the players are more ruthless than before; all set against the backdrop of the NY Blackout of ’77.
thedarkhorse:
I? think the setting is the story hook for the ex-con story.? It’s the one element that sets your story apart from all the others about an ex-con (nothing new about that) falling back into the drug scene (where only a 1001 other movies have been there, done that).
And if you’re going to stipulate 1977 in the logline and script, there’s got to be a good reason.? Otherwise, the 1st question that will occur to a movie producer is: why not set it in the present?? Save a lot of money on production –not having to recreate period –cars, clothes, etc.
Marketing loglines are about selling? the sizzle — not the steak.? And , imho,? the sizzle in this story is the historic Black Out.
We start five days before and then continue a few days after. In the original script, my teaser began during the Blackout and then in Act One we go to five days before.
Hmm. Do you think the hook for a lot of mine could be the setting/background/event?
Night: Set against the backdrop of 1977 NYC Blackout.
Frontiersman: Set against the backdrop of 1887 Great Die-Up.
Masquerade: Set against the backdrop of swanky 60s French Riviera.
Restless: Set against the backdrop of sun-kissed, superficial LA.
Thanks again for all the help.
darkhorse:
FWIW:? your 1st iteration of a logline for your script did hook my interest.? And the element that did the trick was the? 1977 NYC Blackout.? I imagined most of the story would play out over the course of the Blackout.? That event, I thought, could lead to some interesting dramatic situations.
Now, I have the sense that the Blackout is a secondary event,? that occurs late in the story,? How prominently (like how many pages) is the Blackout featured in your finished script?
?
The hook? Hmm. I?ll have to think about this. Do you have any great examples of brilliant hooks?
Well apart from 70s New York, the complex friendship that pulls an ex-con back into his old life. I honestly thought my big hook would be the Blackout. However, I?m rewriting the script to get rid of it from the pilot. Does the hook always involve the main character?
Dpg – I?ve certainly learned a lot about these two kinds of loglines. Next time I?m starting a script – I?m starting with a truly solid, strong logline with hook/premise/that great idea. With querying, it truly is ALL about that logline. (Before I started the scripts, I had malleable loglines. I wanted to be able to change things. Writing is an act of discovery after all). It’s been a learning experience.
Robb Ross –?
Yeah. I?ve done a bible with where it?s going and future seasons. I?m malleable.
With my experience with film producers, they often want you to change things. That?s why I said ?hoping?.
The mother?s bill is a catalyst. But one thing leads to another. He becomes accustomed to that much money. That lifestyle. The power it gives him. The respect. And before he knows it, he?s become everything he hates.
He spends his childhood dreaming of going to Manhattan and becoming a somebody.?Years later, when he?s surrounded by the cream of New York?s somebodies (notably Studio 54), he finds himself disillusioned. It doesn?t bring him happiness.
Okay. Cheers guys. I need to have another think.
Yup, different comments for marketing.
Yet, fwiw about the story…
Is the mother’s bill enough motivation for a series? Doesn’t sound like it would take long to earn it.
>> I was hoping it would be a slow process of a man steadily turning
What do you mean, “hoping?” Usually with a pilot script, the writer also has an outline of the first season.
>>the false glamour of Manhattan (where he dreams of being a somebody but soon finds himself disillusioned with).
How does he become disillusioned if he doesn’t live or work there?
HBO’s The Deuce currently covers this time and place and grime. Regardless, the hook has to include the main character.
Of course, good writing can do wonders. Good luck!
thedarkhorse:
I have personally come to distinguish between? two kinds of a loglines:? the first to develop a script and? the second to market it. (As mentioned near the bottom of the “Our Formula” web page.)? The logline you tweaked? lays out the elements plot for developing a plot for the script.
But now that you’ve completed the script, I suggest you need to consider a logline for marketing the script.? And in my book, the most important element in a marketing logline is the story hook, the aspect of the story that will grab a logline reader’s attention and make him want to read the script.
What’s the? eye-ball-grabber, must-read feature of this script?? (Ditto for the other two scripts you said you’ve completed.? What’s the story hook?)
Thanks for the feedback guys.
Yeah I love the 70s disco drug scene portrayed in ?Carlito?s Way? (clearly an influence). I haven?t seen ?American Gangster? which is also set during that time. I really want it to be a love letter to that late 70s New York that doesn?t exist anymore – trash in the sidewalk, violence and gangs, etc. The dark, gritty NY you?d see in ?The Warriors? or ?Saturday Night Fever? or ?Cruising?.
Hmm – yeah. In my bible for this, I say ?struggling to keep his head above water in a sea of old yet duplicitous acquaintances and ruthless (and more violent) younger thugs?. A mouthful.?Wordy.?
What?s compelling about character/conflict?
Hmm – spoiler alert I figured at the end, he kills his troublesome best friend (in a nod to ?Of Mice and Men? as well as to some extent, ?Boardwalk Empire? and ?The Godfather Part II?). I was hoping it would be a slow process of a man steadily turning to the dark side who eventually turns into the monster he grew up hating (a neighbourhood gangster – who you guessed it, he kills).
The main hook for me was the time/place.?
Also – I imagined him to have a devoted yet complex friendship with his childhood buddy – and their friendship is investigated with flashbacks throughout so that ending (when he finally puts him down) is really lacerating.
Again – I?ve written this one already. And it got one request overall. I kind of wanted to do something that was in the? background something of a social drama and investigated?. drugs, crime, prostitution, female inequality, racism, etc. There was a lot of racism in the first draft and I toned it down (I chickened out). I also wanted to do something about America and how it?s made up of so many different backgrounds ? and how everyone is going after the American Dream?
I suppose the main character swings between two worlds: the dirty gutter of Brooklyn (his home and where he belongs, a very close-knit warm place) and the false glamour of Manhattan (where he dreams of being a somebody but soon finds himself disillusioned with).
A quick tweaking??(adding klh099’s notes).
In 1977, a reformed ex-con, desperate to pay for his mother?s hospital bill, returns to his old life of drug dealing but soon finds himself having to become more ruthless in order to survive a game where the players are more violent and duplicitous than before.
Like someone said earlier for one of the earlier loglines, I’m not sure how relevant the Blackout is to be included. It’s certainly a big part of the show. The same way – “The Son of Sam” and the “Welcome to Fear City” pamphlet is.
Pilot logline: In 1977, New York City, a reformed ex-con agrees to help his childhood best friend, an unstable war veteran, pay back a murderous gangster – by tagging along during a mad, crazy night of drug dealing.
( A nod to “Bringing out the Dead” and “After Hours”).
Jack Whitman – A reformed ex-con struggling to start again and reconcile with his former flame as well as win back his parents. After fourteen years in prison, Jack is a weary, distrustful man who is still somewhat devoted and protective towards his best friends, Bobby and Mary Sue. Both of which are much different now.
Bobby Quintana – Jack’s childhood best friend. The black sheep. The irresponsible force of nature. Bobby is a hybrid of Ratzo Rizzo and Johnny Boy. The human ashtray and clown who is perennially in trouble, and who is desperate to clean up his act and defeat his drug addiction and PTSD so that he can join his girlfriend and young son in Florida.
Mary Sue Ashley – A single mom, waitress and aspiring actress. Mary Sue is Jack’s childhood sweetheart who he has a tumultuous relationship with. An “incident” in their childhood has left an indelible mark on their lives and psyches (it is revealed they were abducted by a ?neighbourhood paedophile and kept in his dark basement for 14 days – which will add another dimension to surviving the Blackout of 77 as well as navigating a world where characters ?are incredibly distrustful to one another and everyone is pretending to be something they are not). Lastly, Mary Sue is still going after her dream of show business success and fame (and at any cost) – and one episode will explore Mary Sue’s foray into the casting couch.
Okay that’s it. If nothing else, is the above tweaked logline any good? A bit more juicier?
Cheers everyone.
Yup. Same with the late 1970s in NY…what would the script portray about the time and place that hasn’t been done before?
What is one novel aspect of this series?
Try a series logline, a pilot logline, and a paragraph with a few words about each key character.
Next time, state upfront that it’s a series.
Okay… but what’s the story hook?? What makes this story different from — rather than like — “Light Sleeper”, “Carlito’s Way”,? and “Breaking Bad”?? What is so compelling about the character and his conflict that’s will grab and hold viewer’s eyeballs episode after episode?
Another influence – ?Light Sleeper? where Willem Defoe plays an introspective drug dealer having an existential crisis.
Okay. It’s “Carlito’s Way” meets “The Mule”. Ha. No. Joking aside. I was inspired by the “Breaking Bad” character arc. I imagine him from going from weak, passive and somewhat fearful to being a charismatic, fearless gangster. And he loses friends and family to do it. But yeah – that would be cliche and middle of the road.
What? the premise for “Breaking Bad” had going for it that elevated above other stories about drug dealing was a strong character arc.? Over the course of the series, the protagonist does a complete 180, transforms from a law abiding, milquetoast, under paid chemistry teacher who gets no? respect from anyone into a ruthless, rich and cunning drug lord, feared by all.
There is no 180 character arc in this story.? The character just back slides a few degrees into his old ways.
The previous logline – was if anything, more for the pilot episode as opposed to the series logline (which I?m trying to work on now).?
The goal: Money. Money. Money. And of course, the more he makes – the more he?s tempted to continue, etc.?
The old flame is still there – but I streamlined the logline so he has one driving goal above all else. To save mom.
Think ?Carlito?s Way? meets ?Breaking Bad? (which I think sounds pretty cool).?