In 2005 Toronto, the members of a kid’s club formerly active in the 1990’s reunite and reminisce about old times. However, they have to deal with a greedy land developer who wants to tear down the neighbourhood where it once was located.
assafPenpusher
In 2005 Toronto, the members of a kid’s club formerly active in the 1990’s reunite and reminisce about old times. However, they have to deal with a greedy land developer who wants to tear down the neighbourhood where it once was located.
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The first sentence in this logline deals with a lot of detail that doesn’t contribute to the reader’s understanding of the current plot, whereas the second sentence lacks a main character and goal.
Preventing the development of an old neighborhood is not (as McKee would say) a story worthy problem on its own. What is it about the neighborhood aside from sentimentality that would make it a tragedy to tear down now?
A good example of this is in Mel Brook’s Life Stinks, if the greedy developer gets his way all the people that live on the streets lose their homes. The added irony that the main character was once a greedy developer himself, adds an extra layer of interest to his inner journey.
My suggestion:
After a greedy developer threatens to tear down his old neighborhood a lawyer, former street kid himself, must fight the development proposal to save the homeless kids living in the local shelter.
As Nir Shelter said.? Notwithstanding that the developer is greedy, the basic premise of wanting to prevent development for the sake of mere nostalgia is not a sufficient dramatic problem guaranteed to?grab a script reader’s –?or audience’s — eyeballs.