In a futuristic Utopian city, built up in the sky, no form of institution like religion, nationality, marriage exists. It is strictly illegal for any couple to stay together for more than 3 months. A young couple almost end of their 3 months tenure found it impossible to part away and decided to flee down back to the old earth, a place only existed in their history books and which nobody has traveled from the city for last two centuries.
aviPenpusher
In a futuristic Utopian city, built up in the sky, no form of institution like religion, nationality, marriage exists. It is strictly illegal for any couple to stay together for more than 3 months. A young couple almost end of their 3 months tenure found it impossible to part away and decided to flee down back to the old earth, a place only existed in their history books and which nobody has traveled from the city for last two centuries.
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Yes these details should, nay MUST, be in the logline.
The main characters need a strong inciting incident to motivate them to pursue a clear goal.
Secondly, if indeed there will be a revolution will the couple lead it together? This would be a good and ambitious goal for them to pursue it also gives them a a nobler cause to fight for the greater good than there own self interest.
Agreed with Andrew.
Also presuming that the couple knew of the three month limit it is no news to them that they must part, therefore I don’t believe you currently have an inciting incident. In addition, the goal of escaping the city is not specific enough. Would they not be hunted down after their escape?
As such the plot is a bit vague, best to specify their sudden motivation to defy society rules as well as a clear safe heaven for them to escape to.
Your logline is really long. Loglines?usually have a 25 to 30 word limit. Yours is 80 but most of the elements are there. You have a futuristic/alternate universe situation which you establish clearly. The main characters are the couple. A goal – to escape.
I had a stab at it using the standard logline formula.
When something happens, the flawed character/s must do the action/achieve the goal or else something bad will happen.
In a future where?relationships lasting more than 3 months are illegal, a young couple unwilling to part ways?must escape their totalitarian society before they are imprisoned.
I think your story concept of lovers running away?isn’t original, however the world of the story would be (I’m sure you have a million interesting details in your head). It is the kind of movie that I would pay to see because I love unique worlds portrayed on screen.
It’s execution dependant so your script execution will need to be top notch.?