Uberwriter
Posted: 2020-03-03T04:11:52+10:00 In:

In a grayscale world, a man gets obsessed with the window in his new room beyond which the world is colorful

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    4 Reviews

    1. Singularity

      Well, it’s a short film and I like the premise so I suppose I shouldn’t get obsessed about the lack of an objective goal.

      But I will.

      What does his obsession drive him to do?? Is he just going to stare at the colorful view from FADE IN to FADE OUT?? Or…?

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    2. Singularity

      variable:

      My personal litmus test for a logline with a good hook is that it that stimulates my imagination.? It invokes in my mind any number of ideas for scenes, action, dialogue.? Those ideas may be totally different than the story you have in mind.? But that’s not what matters.? What matters is that it stimulates my imagination

      Your logline passes my litmus test.? Now I am curious to know how your imagination builds out the premise.

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    3. Samurai

      I agree with dpg, whilst this is immediately engaging, something is missing. ?You mentioned making this a 9th floor flat with no balcony, but I think you’re missing a trick there – I’d suggest considering using the colour difference as a metaphor in the man’s life (e.g. for depression/grief/literacy, etc.)

      • Why is his world greyscale?
      • Why is the outside world in colour?
      • What does this being a ‘new’ room have to do with the story?
      • Is the window the only view? ?Why can’t he leave via a door?

      Regards
      Trix

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    4. Logliner

      I like it. I immediately wondered if there’s a danger to the colour. Have you seen the video of Aunty Jack introducing colour TV to Australia? S/he is terrified that colour will change everything. When it finally seeps in the window, it does indeed change everything — except Aunty Jack her/himself, who remains greyscale. Hilariously done! 🙂

      So: will the colour get in, will the man get out, will the colour and the man get along? I am intrigued.

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