Posted: 2012-11-05T15:49:05+10:00 In:

In a long-suffering hockey town, the most vocal caller to sports talk radio must to turn all his talk into action when the team's frustrated owner decides to make him general manager.

Revising an earlier version.

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    3 Reviews

    1. Is this going to be a comedy? At the moment all I have in my head is a Kevin James style comedy.I feel like it needs a big twist in there as it seems like it has been done before. Is this guy going to be a bit of an idiot and there is no way he can be a coach? Is he more of a fan of baseball and due to being old and senile he has been calling the wrong show for years? Could they think it is a man but it is really a woman?

      The story is there but there isn’t much to make it stand out from the rest and fell it needs some hook or twist with the caller. Hope this helps

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    2. Less Talk, More Action!
      Love this idea. I can see Jack Black as the know-it-all caller who gets the shock of his life when he is thrown in to a manager job. It is a comedy right? Even better if he is a lazy jobless nut. With a lot of talk! Could even be he was a great player in his youth but something happened that destroyed his dream.

      Okay I’m totally guessing here!!

      I’m in the process of learning how to write a really good logline so my advice may not be all that professional but I can only go by my gut reaction to your logline, at the moment something isn’t quite right.

      How about:

      Less Talk, More Action.

      In a last ditch attempt to save his hockey team, a frustrated manager hires the local know-it-all as coach, after hearing him on the radio.

      Hope it helps x

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    3. I like the concept. I’m not a hockey fan but I think Hockey makes the scenario more believable. Ice (if it’s a comedey) can work whether the guy is a wannabe or a ex-pro. Logline does need cleaning up. As you can see there is some guessing as to whether this is a comedy or not. Genre should be obvious.
      General Manager works for me better than coach as it entails a lot more than just dealing with players. But I don’t know. In baseball manager and coach are the same. Don’t know about hockey. Don’t know if it differs from major league to minors. Anyway a lot to clean up. Loud mouth guy might benefit from a better description. I get the feeling the guy is just a talker. wouldn’t even know how to ‘lace up’ or even skate but if that’s the case it might need to be clearer in the logline.

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