In a small town in Iowa, a young man?s dreams of becoming a photographer are paused when the heir of the family farm, his older brother, dies unexpectedly provoking his narcissistic grandfather to look to him to continue the legacy before he passes away.
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In a small town in Iowa, a young man?s dreams of becoming a photographer are paused when the heir of the family farm, his older brother, dies unexpectedly provoking his narcissistic grandfather to look to him to continue the legacy before he passes away.
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I agree with the points that Nir Shelter makes.
In particular, it does not seem to me that the young man faces a?real? dilemma.? And?having a protagonist caught between the horns of a?real dilemma is?the method par excellence? for ?creating and sustaining dramatic tension.
A dramatic dilemma is not just a predicament, it’s a particular kind of predicament.? In an authentic dramatic dilemma, the protagonist??has either 1]?two equally? desirable choices — but he can only have one.; or 2] the reward for success carries a high risk of failure??and a ?countervailing penalty or cost for failure. ?(Countervailing means equal but opposite).??The odds? are overwhelming? not in the?protagonist’s ?favor; obstacles and dangers seem to doom him to failure.? And when he fails he won’t just?be back where he started, he’ll be worse off for?having tried.
Now then.??It seems?obvious the young man does not?face a dilemma of two equally desirable choices.??He much prefers photography to farming, creative expression for himself ?to maintaining the farm for the sake of the family legacy.? So it’s a no brainer choice; hence, not a dilemma.
Nor does the logline implicitly frame?the 2nd kind of dilemma.??Certainly, as Nir Shelter indicated, the odds of? commercial success are against him.? This risk factor is necessary for?creating dramatic tension but it is not sufficient.? It’s only ?one part to a dilemma,?a ?countervailing factor.?
The other necessary?part of the 2nd kind of dilemma is the price to be paid for trying and failing. ?What will it cost him to even try?? What does he stand to lose if he fails?? (Losing his ?relationship with his grandfather does not seem to be a “?cost?of business”, the price he must pay for pursuing his dream instead of his grandfather’s. On the contrary it would seem to be a?benefit, a big bonus.)
This logline seams to describe the first half of a first act. The grandfather looks to the main character for help, but then what? What does the main character actually do? And what does he actually need to achieve?
Secondly in its many iterations this concept has yet to describe a logical connection between the setting, the goal and provide a reasonable stakes level. The dramatic need (to become a photographer) doesn’t seam to match up with the obstacle (mean and selfish grandfather), as the MC can theoretically just do what he wants to do. It feels like the dilemma of choosing between creative aspirations? and an old man’s selfish needs, is more of a B plot in a rom-com than the A plot of a drama film, because the stakes are just not high enough to justify a story worthy problem.
Secondly the chances of someone becoming a world class photographer are so small, it seams like the grandfather would be smart enough to know that after a few years of poverty and frustration the MC will likely come back to run the farm.
I think the story elements do not make up a strong enough dramatic situation that will sustain a film, the writers work is to devise a premise that does just that, and not re word the logline using the same elements. Here are a few suggestion to help you change the concept:
WHAT IF?
The main character dreams of being a professional photographer and took some photos of his dying mother, brother or father on the farm and submitted them to a photographic competition the prize of which is a solo show of his work in the world’s most highly regarded photo gallery in Paris. The main character wins and is offered his own show, which will launch his career as a photographer. But his grandfather, his only remaining family member, is ashamed of the photos and doesn’t want him to exhibit the work. Now the main character has a dilemma and must chose between loosing his grandfather or his dream career.
This dramatizes the first act and adds a cause and effect relationship, now you need a goal to pursue as a result. You could choose wining the competition as an inciting incident and devise a goal that fits or add in an additional plot such as the bank threatens to foreclose on the farm, so the main character must save the farm and at the same time as he must choose between family and career.
Once you have the most compelling goal and inciting incident in place re draft the logline to reflect how they interact and the main character’s action will play out in the story.