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Matt Epstein
Posted: June 27, 20152015-06-27T17:18:47+10:00 2015-06-27T17:18:47+10:00In: Public

In a war driven futuristic dystopia an insecure generals son learns he is "The Savior" the rebellion's prophecy calls for and must choose to abandon his home or avoid his destiny. For Meet-up.

Fall

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    3 Reviews

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    1. Neer Shelter Singularity
      2015-06-29T10:25:36+10:00Added an answer on June 29, 2015 at 10:25 am

      The logline describes the setting in three ways it is “…war driven?” and is in the future and it is a “?dystopia?” this is too much of a setting description and takes up too much valuable logline real-estate with out adding much.

      Secondly there is no inciting incident. When does the story start? what event sets the hero off on his journey?

      Most importantly of all the MC has no clear goal, choosing is not an action it is what you do before taking action. this may work in a short film under 15 minutes but not in a 110 minutes. What does he want to achieve and how will he achieve it?

      Hope this helps.

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    2. dpg Singularity
      2015-06-29T12:36:58+10:00Added an answer on June 29, 2015 at 12:36 pm

      What Nir Shelter said. Choosing is not an objective goal, not a sufficient basis for a plot.

      Also it is inevitable that logline readers will compare the Savior angle to the “The Matrix”. What differentiates it from “The Matrix”?

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    3. 2015-06-29T15:15:04+10:00Added an answer on June 29, 2015 at 3:15 pm

      Yes, I agree with the above comments. He needs to leave home to achieve something, and there must be dire consequences if he fails. Simply saving the rebels from war is a bit vague. And I’d say he leaves his home and not include the ‘or avoid his destiny’ bit.

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