Logliner
Posted: 2016-04-27T02:39:13+10:00 In:

In a world where most jobs have been taken over by AI’s, a drug addicted private investigator is hired to help an android detective solve a murder case that threatens the very foundations of society.

In a world where most jobs have been taken over by AI’s, a drug addicted private investigator is hired to help an android detective solve a murder case that threatens the very foundations of society.
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    3 Reviews

    1. Best Answer
      Singularity

      Agreed with the above, the vague and generic descriptions work agains the logline.

      Also as in most good detective stories, best to engineer a personal stake for the MC and use that as the inciting incident. Otherwise getting hired to do another job is not an inciting incident, it’s his usual day-to-day.

      Considering the world you have (advanced technologies, AI and what ever else you have in it) what is truly out of the ordinary for this particular PI?
      Make that his inciting incident.

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    2. Best Answer
      Singularity

      I have the same questions as Dkpough1.

      The threat “to the very foundations of society” is vague. ?It’s needs to be specific.

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    3. Best Answer
      Uberwriter

      While you say that this case threatens the foundations of society, which are stakes, what does the P.I have interest in it for? The last part raises more questions than it should, because ?it is impersonal and nonspecific. What are the stakes? Does this case somehow lead to a group that is planning to shut down the AIs society is so dependent on, and they murdered someone to cover it up? Be more specific. While technically the MC being hired is an inciting incident, I think describing the murder would be more effective. Also, I think the first part can go, because you mention androids later and it is just extra exposition.
      So my suggestion is: When someone(are they an important person? Why does this murder drive the MC to take this case?) is murdered, an addict P.I (what makes them so special? Are they on Holmes level of investigation? Why the MC and not a police detective?) is hired to help an android solve the case. (Then if you choose you could add the catastrophic event that would happen if this ?case were not solved. )
      Remember, aim for less than 30 words.

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