In Nebraska during the Dust Bowl era, a straight-laced bastard descendant of Jesse James has to travel to Devils Nest to help save the tribe of his half uncle, but shit goes south when the closing of a dam and a one-eyed Kansas City gangster threaten to sink his grandfather’s buried gold for good.
SeamooreLogliner
In Nebraska during the Dust Bowl era, a straight-laced bastard descendant of Jesse James has to travel to Devils Nest to help save the tribe of his half uncle, but shit goes south when the closing of a dam and a one-eyed Kansas City gangster threaten to sink his grandfather’s buried gold for good.
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It seems from your logline that the goal of the lead character is to get Jesse Jame’s buried treasure.
As a result, I wouldn’t bury it at the end of the logline.
If this is true, then what sets the story in motion is when something bad happens to his uncle’s tribe.
This causes the lead character to go after the hidden gold in order to save the tribe.
This event is missing from the logline.
What bad thing happens to the tribe that causes the lead to go after the gold?
Adding this event at the beginning of your logline will help it improve.
Sounds like a fun western. A half blood. Lost treasure, a bursting dam.
The logline Seems a bit long, 54 words.
Agree with Richiev.? The buried gold is? the McGuffin? gimmick (per Alfred Hitchcock), but the current version buries it again.
Nor is it clear what the tribe must be saved from, the drought or the dam or…?