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burnitaPenpusher
Posted: May 12, 20162016-05-12T07:48:29+10:00 2016-05-12T07:48:29+10:00In: Drama

In need of a new start, a former top-shelf realtor struggles against her nature, and her wish not to fall in love with the charming redevelopment executive that wants to demolish the childhood Victorian house that she must now save, restore and make her home.

In need of a new start, a former top-shelf realtor struggles against her nature, and her wish not to fall in love with the charming redevelopment executive that wants to demolish the childhood Victorian house that she must now save, restore and make her home.
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    2 Reviews

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    1. Neer Shelter Singularity
      2016-05-12T14:52:11+10:00Added an answer on May 12, 2016 at 2:52 pm

      It reads like a rom-com is that the intention? If so then the concept works, if not then the logline needs re writing.

      Regardless the genre the story seems vague.

      What made her need a new start? Why must she save this house now? The answer to these question will likely be the inciting incident, which is currently missing from the logline. Best to add it in so as to describe the starting point of your story.

      Secondly you describe three main actions the main character will take:
      “…struggles against her nature…” – in the B plot love story,
      “…she must now save…” – in the A plot to save her childhood house,
      “…and make her home…” – also in the A plot.

      Loglines are mostly used to describe the A plot and are best when they describe a single goal. Therefore I suggest you re draft the logline, focus on the A plot and describe only the primary goal. Also would be great if you could describe an original action for her to take in order to save the house, other wise “save the house” is too vague a description.

      I.e
      After a redevelopment executive threatens to destroy her childhood home, a top shelf realtor must move to the country and remain in the house to prevent it from being demolished, if she is to make it her home once again.

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    2. CraigDGriffiths Uberwriter
      2016-05-12T08:55:03+10:00Added an answer on May 12, 2016 at 8:55 am

      A woman wants to start a new life in her childhood home but must rescue it from redevelopment resisting the potential huge profits and her feels for the developer.

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