Across the Bridge
Chidi EzeibieliLogliner
When she’s falsely accused of witchcraft, a clairvoyant mute is forced to flee for her life with her telepathic 9-year-old son, and must find sanctuary in a foreign country tormented by a bizarre infirmity – despite an ill-fated future she had seen.
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Why is she forced to flee?? To save her life, right???That?is? what is at? stake. ?So “…forced to flee for her life…”
I don’t see why it has to be marauding villagers.? It’s perfectly credible to me that she’s been branded, persecuted is in danger of being killed by her own? community, her own village.?? But it’s your story; maybe you have some theme or issue in mind that I don’t apprehend.
As I said, for me the strongest element– the hook– is not the exotic locale, nor the particular attributes of her antagonists, but? the mother-son relationship.
The most attention grabbing feature of this logline to me –the hook — is the relationship??between the clairvoyant mute and her 9-year old telepathic son.? That has real possibilities.
But I’m not sure the rest of the story sets up the best plot vehicle for that relationship.
And why Satanists?? The more obvious and simpler to set up and dramatically justify?cause of the mother & son’s peril ?would be that she’s been branded a witch because of her?canny ?power — that of her son.? And for that she is going to be burned alive. (I presume that is the ‘sacrifice’ you have in mind. If not, what specifically is the means by which she will be killed?)
The French accused Joan of Arc of witchcraft in order to burn her at the stake.? (God fearing colonial American Puritans hung 19 women for witchcraft.) ?A tried and true scenario (alas)?down through the ages in too damn many cultures.
Anyway, your story seems to?distill down to 😕 “When?a clairvoyant mute and her telepathic 9-year old son are forced to flee for their lives, they must…
Well must what??? Is that?what the 2nd and?3rd Acts? are about???Mother and son just flee… and?some more… and flee some more?? I suggest that they?should not just be?fleeing FROM??what they fear (negative motivation)??but also running TOWARD a hopeful solution (positive emotion).? Toward an objective goal that constitutes a sanctuary, a place they find safety and acceptance.
[It’s okay to bootup a plot with negative motivation, but soon enough the protagonist must also acquire a positive motivation.? And that, of course, ?requires a positive goal. The protagonist must?transition to ?fighting for something they want, not just against what they fear.]
Again, I think you have the seed for a very interesting story in the mother-son relationship.? I’m not so sure it’s been planted in the most fertile plot to thrive and achieve its dramatic potential.
fwiw.