In order to fit in, a group of fresh-faced college students join a quirky, offbeat club about spreading positivity that regularly forces them out of their comfort zones.

Mac17:

I suggest “Desperate to fit in…” rather than “In order to fit in…” in order to establish the intensity of her need. ?And “driven but socially inept…” (or something similar) rather than just “driven…” because ?”driven” alone doesn’t convey a sense of the character flaw that motivates her action to form the club — and the flaw that threatens to frustrate her efforts at every turn.

I’m not sure how ?”spreading positivity” translates into specific scenes and incidents. ?Could you give me a few examples.

And is “forcing members into awkward social situations” a conscious intention, or an unintended consequence?

To address CraigDGriffiths review, ?it seems to me that the stakes are clear and legitimate and important to the characters. ?The misfits are desperate to find social acceptance by their peers.

I think you’ve got a gem of an idea for a marketable series. ?Fitting in, enhancing one’s social status is a big, big deal for most college kids, which means there’s a ready-made audience who can empathize with the characters.. ?However, I would like to suggest that the gem would benefit from?some refining and polishing.

The series obviously entails an ensemble cast, but I agree with Moses99 that it would be better if the logline focused on one alpha-character, the organizing principal for the ensuing plot line that drives the series, around whom the others coalesce.

And in a logline I suggest it would be stronger to describe them as frosh ‘misfits’ or something similar rather than ‘fresh-faced’. ?Because that’s what they are, aren’t they, ?that’s their dramatic problem? ?Isn’t that what makes them desperate enough to overcome their inhibitions and better judgment and join.

In casting an alpha-character as the organizing principal, I would like to suggest that he doesn’t join the club. ?Rather he creates the club; he comes up with the idea and persuades the others to join. ?As I understand the concept, in every episode somebody is going to come with or at least organize the troops to engage in a new wacky, off-the-wall idea for spreading “positivity”. ?That’s the job of the main character. ?So the plot line in the pilot should be focused on him (or her). ?(You do have women in the club , right? And the ensemble will be multi-ethnic?)

So now, for the purpose of the logline you need to describe an inciting incident that occurs in the pilot episode that kicks of the plot line that?frames the series.

Good luck with your writing.