A father is conflicted by his son asking about the family business, wanting to raise his son to be an honest man, a father must work against his own family to break the cycle of their petty crime.
belindapflaumPenpusher
A father is conflicted by his son asking about the family business, wanting to raise his son to be an honest man, a father must work against his own family to break the cycle of their petty crime.
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If the intention is for this to be a mafia style crime family, then best describe it as such. The stakes are clear – you don’t go against the family…
It’s a bit strange that he wants to keep the family together, but at the same time work against it. Perhaps specify that he wants to safeguard his wife and children from the rest of the mafia.
Lastly, what is his inciting incident? What event makes him suddenly need to break away from the mafia?
A little vague. Sounds interesting with just a tad more colour… ie. is it a mob family, an IRA family etc. Also double use of the word family not necessary and ‘Familys’ definitely incorrect – with every word precious, good to get every one right. Also, why is this the only way to keep the family together? Is there an inciting incident there? “When a bank robbery goes wrong, a man must work against his own…” etc.