Till Life Do Us Part
In the aftermath of divorce, an immortal, inflexible man needs to navigate the complex dating scene of the 21st century after 200 year of marriage if he is to ever find love again.
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The divorce is the event, which is fine, but “navigate the complex dating scene” is not clear enough of an objective goal (he should be trying to find a suitable partner), not a particularly compelling action for him to take. At the same time, the stakes feel super low, partly because he’s immortal and can take all the time in the world, and partly because there’s no urgency for him to achieve anything other than ‘navigate’ the dating scene.
I would also question why him being important is not only relevant but necessary. The same “dating is weird in the modern age” concept could be managed with an 80 year old, or a 50 year old … hell, if it was about someone who got married straight out of high school and got divorced when he was 25, when the rest of his buds were in the prime of their dating lives, you’d get the same mileage out of the concept.
My suggestions:
Lose the immortality angle.
Find higher stakes for him to want to find a partner (ie. he has a kid and the child is acting up or self harming; he figures it’s because of the divorce and he has to hurry to find a ‘replacement mum’ for the kid).
Be clearer about the objective goal.
The divorce is the event, which is fine, but “navigate the complex dating scene” is not clear enough of an objective goal (he should be trying to find a suitable partner), not a particularly compelling action for him to take. At the same time, the stakes feel super low, partly because he’s immortal and can take all the time in the world, and partly because there’s no urgency for him to achieve anything other than ‘navigate’ the dating scene.
I would also question why him being important is not only relevant but necessary. The same “dating is weird in the modern age” concept could be managed with an 80 year old, or a 50 year old … hell, if it was about someone who got married straight out of high school and got divorced when he was 25, when the rest of his buds were in the prime of their dating lives, you’d get the same mileage out of the concept.
My suggestions:
Lose the immortality angle.
Find higher stakes for him to want to find a partner (ie. he has a kid and the child is acting up or self harming; he figures it’s because of the divorce and he has to hurry to find a ‘replacement mum’ for the kid).
Be clearer about the objective goal.
I feel that I can’t add anything more than what nicholasandrewhalls have said. I just want to emphasize what he said about the stakes bit, why does he want to find love, what happens if he doesn’t manage to do it?
Have a nice day.
I feel that I can’t add anything more than what nicholasandrewhalls have said. I just want to emphasize what he said about the stakes bit, why does he want to find love, what happens if he doesn’t manage to do it?
Have a nice day.