In the midst of her marriage breaking down, an alcoholic family councilor must keep the balance between her kids and her job despite her emotional upheaval.
conradekekePenpusher
In the midst of her marriage breaking down, an alcoholic family councilor must keep the balance between her kids and her job despite her emotional upheaval.
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You said: “…her goal is to restore the peace in her family and to avoid a scandal that would affect her career?”
Terms such as “…restore the peace in her family?” should be avoided in loglines, as they are generic and lack detail. ?From previous posts I think you mean protect her kids from getting hurt.
I’m getting confused, which of the?TWO goals you mentioned is the primary one in the A plot of your story? Is it to protect her kids or protect her career?
Which ever one you choose you’ll need an appropriate inciting incident, as currently the logline lacks a clear event that starts her off on her journey.
It’s better than last time.? I think it needs more fine tuning and pinpointing the elements.?? I have trouble doing that myself!
Some suggestions:
Mention the “emotional upheavel” at start instead of at the end.?? For example: “In the midst of an emotionally destructive marriage break up …..”? or “In the midst of a debilitating marriage break up …..”
Leave the most impacting stuff for last – like the bit about her job or her kids or her alcohol addiction?? Not sure which is most important.? ? For example
Maybe end it with, “….. despite her addiction to alcohol”? (then you can give her a more interesting adjective instead of alcoholic)
Alcoholism seems to be a 3rd thing she must balance. And is the 4th thing to saving her marriage? (can be added to the extended version) 🙂
The logline sets up a complicated (that’s good!) initial 1st Act situation.
But what “keep her balance” means for the 2nd Act needs to be more clearly defined; the phrase entails a wide range of character choices. ?Loglines are about one specific choice a protagonist takes among many that may be available and the action that follows as a consequence.
Exactly what is the choice she makes? ?What become her objective goal, her game plan to “keep her balance”?
That’s true dpg, her goal is to restore the peace in her family and to avoid a scandal that would affect her career – from an upcoming/foreseen marriage wreckage. ?It definitely starts with identifying she has been abusing on alcohol in order to get some sleep on most nights her husband stays out and having to fight out of the growing addiction plus ensuring her tender kids don’t get affected in the whole charade… So in a way, she’ll have to operate discretely in order not to lose it and it’s just what could spark the tension from time to time… Something like that 🙂
So…. what is her objective goal, what is her game plan ?to “keep her balance”?
Does it start with seeking therapy, recovering from her alcoholism? ? If not, why not? ?Because as a long as she’s ?abusing alcohol, she won’t be able to “keep her balance” and deal constructively with ?her the other problems.