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fredsoffaPenpusher
Posted: August 1, 20202020-08-01T11:49:30+10:00 2020-08-01T11:49:30+10:00In: SciFi

In the near future, the next pandemic divides the world into two pods: the safe – Positives, and the dangerous – Negatives. The Positives can’t get infected from each other, but can from an infected Negative. The Positives enjoy all the glories of life, the Negatives none. Some Negatives pose and cross over to live as Positives. At the penalty of death. This is their story

Title:  Apartheid

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    3 Reviews

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    1. Richiev Singularity
      2020-08-01T18:20:49+10:00Added an answer on August 1, 2020 at 6:20 pm

      This is an interesting situation.
      However, a situation isn’t a story.

      Who is the lead character?
      What do they want?
      What is standing in their way?

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    2. Karel Segers Samurai
      2020-08-01T23:35:49+10:00Added an answer on August 1, 2020 at 11:35 pm

      Richie is right. This is a (great) description of a setting, a world. In the screen business, there is no concept or story without a central character, and a clear objective for this character.

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    3. dpg Singularity
      2020-08-02T06:25:46+10:00Added an answer on August 2, 2020 at 6:25 am

      As Richiev said. The logline has an obvious timely new hook. But it only sets up a situation for a plot. But there is no clear protagonist with a clear objective goal.

      The logline (and plot) would do better to focus on one central character with an urgent need. The character may want to live the good life with the Positives, but what does she desperately need?

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