A freshman in high school contemplates suicide after intense bullying for being gay but changes his mind after realizing that life is better now than 50 years ago
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How is it the student just realized something that happened 50 years ago?? Who helped the student realize his mistake?
It sounds like it’s going to be one of those films with tons of close up slowmo on his face as he contemplates. What you’re describing all takes place in his head. Is that what you’re going for? If not, think of how you could make this visual (film) instead of interior (novel).
If he’s being intensely bullied now… how is that different to what happened 50 years ago? What specifically about life now makes him change his mind?
As others have said.
And the logline seems to have a? spoiler — it gives away the ending (he changes his mind).? A logline should never contain a spoiler.
Also, that he changes his mind when he realizes things are better now than 50 years ago doesn’t ring emotionally true.? Obviously, things are not better for him.?? How bad things were 50 years ago doesn’t discount how bad it is for him NOW.? What matters is the emotional experience of the character in the present tense of the story.
Hi Xuwboss,
Check out the ‘Formula’ tab on the top bar to learn some logline basics.
Getting bullied for being gay has been done successfully in the past, Oscar-winning films on the subject have been celebrated extensively in the last decade. You would need to add to your concept if you want it to stand out.
If it was based on a true story you could use that as leverage, otherwise, you could try setting it in a place where there is a harsh anti LGBT tendency. Now day and age, in most Western countries, it seems a little hard to believe that someone would be bullied for being gay and nobody does anything about it.
Concept aside, a story needs a plot and plots are made of events and actions. “…contemplates suicide…” is not an action it’s a thought, what else can your main character do in response to the bullying?
So he’s a >50 year old gay man in high school…
Or is it a film about a man ‘changing his mind’?
It can be better and more cinematic. This is just an incident that happens in his journey. But you need to mention his journey, his struggles (in writing language – a character’s conflict). The character you chose has a great inner conflict (fighting out for his sexuality) and exterior conflict (being bullied). Make this a journey. (You do have a jouney in your mind but that needs to be reflected in your logline).
When a reader reads a logline he must clearly see your movie. (If it’s a suspense try hooking your reader without giving out suspense but atleast make them root for your charater’s journey.)
First logline or one of many, you must practice writing, no matter what you write.