An underprivileged Filipina dream of becoming a singer meets American vacationer looking for one night stand finds love and themselves.
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revised: An underprivileged Filipina girl who dreams of become a singer meets an American vacationer looking for a one night stand, both ultimately finding love and themselves.
Hi tamodbx,
This is a good start to the premise of your story but it’s lacking essential elements of a logline.
I found myself asking, “Then what?” What happens if your protag doesn’t achieve her goal of becoming a singer? Is her new lover the antag and does he prevent her from reaching her goal?
This part – “both ultimately finding love and themselves” – is just so vague and, to be quite blunt, boring. We’ve seen this story before countless of times. You have to give us a taste of what makes your story different and interesting.
Best of luck,
Monique
Thank you very much Monimata. I needed that blunt response. You can tell I’m an amateur! Is my 1st indie movie project. I thought of not giving away the answer and be more like this.
An underprivileged Filipina who dreams of become a singer meets an American vacationer looking for a one night stand, both ultimately finding something else.
I’ll keep working on it though.
thank you again,
Ken