Sleep Monsters
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“retired athlete who risks everything searching for redemption” What is he risking and redemtion for what and how does a race play into the solution?
Thanks Hugh- you’re right I think it could be shorter, the right ‘less’ is always more huh !
Many thanks for the feedback – much appreciated.
“Sleep Monsters” threw me though. Definitely would give a dufferent title some thought.
I like it. To be honest i don’t know how, but it may benefit by playing with to economise wording somehow, to reduce it to maybe three lines. This does sound pedantic but something tells me it may be worth thinking about. But nonetheless, evocative and appealing.
Ah you got me there – it’s not the title – I hesitate to give the title – I’ve finished my 2nd draft of the 110 page script – registered it etc – but just putting the feelers out there & getting my pitch right – silly I know -but really appreciate this site & the wonderful feedback – and yes family is one ‘risk’ along with his body & his faith !
Also, sorry, meant to mention. The title – Sleep Monsters? that’s less enticing than the logline. I have no idea what kind of film I’m likely to get from that.
“Closer to survival than sport” has me hooked, absolutely. What I want to know is – what is the “everything” that he risks? He’s retired, so my assumption is his family and his life. Is this a safe enough assumption?