Keira, a warrior just shy of her sixteenth birthday, will have to survive the creatures of a world twisted by the DNA Wars, and hope her own mutation doesn’t degenerate further as she tries to reach the City of Lights where she will be free from persecution.
Leannf411Logliner
Keira, a warrior just shy of her sixteenth birthday, will have to survive the creatures of a world twisted by the DNA Wars, and hope her own mutation doesn’t degenerate further as she tries to reach the City of Lights where she will be free from persecution.
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A few things off the bat. You don’t need names, no one uses them. DNA wars doesn’t mean anything and isn’t really part of the story, it is back story. In other words, the war will not be filmed.
Here is what I would write.
A young female warrior desperate to escape persecution heads for the City of Light pursuded DNA modified creatures while her own mutation degrades.
I hope this helps.
Hi Leannf411,
So, this teenage warrior (MC) must battle through various creatures (main course of action/antagonist) in order to reach the City of Lights where she’ll be free from persecution (goal) before she turns into one of them herself (hook)? Continue working on shortening the logline as much as possible without not saying anything at all, and cutting straight to the chase.
Everyone has sort of touched on this but i’ll say, this is too damn long. Also, a lot of it could be easily trimmed (the wars) as it is world building which should be left for the screenplay. A logline should just focus on the protagonist and the core story. Hope this helps.
I think you have a very unique idea! Sounds like a rich conflict. I would agree with the comments above on what could help make this logline better.