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Dbaptiste3813Penpusher
Posted: July 26, 20182018-07-26T02:56:29+10:00 2018-07-26T02:56:29+10:00In: Drama

Logline problems

A delusional and suicidal man falls in love with his elderly neighbor, at the end of a month long love affair, he remembers she is really his wife of the last 42 years.

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    4 Reviews

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    1. Neer Shelter Singularity
      2018-07-26T15:32:08+10:00Added an answer on July 26, 2018 at 3:32 pm

      And then what? What does he do after he realises he has a cognition problem?

      The logline describes act 1, what goal does he pursue in act 2?

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    2. Mike Pedley Singularity
      2018-07-26T17:12:17+10:00Added an answer on July 26, 2018 at 5:12 pm

      What’s the guy’s goal??What’s the inciting incident?

      Is this the entire film summed up or just the set up? Check out the formula tab for formatting guidance. At the moment this sounds like the set up because you’re telling us what’s already happened rather than telling us what the protagonist is going to try and make happen.

      How does the fact that he’s suicidal play into the story?

      Hope this helps.

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    3. dpg Singularity
      2018-07-28T06:04:30+10:00Added an answer on July 28, 2018 at 6:04 am

      As Nir Shelter said.

      On the other foot, if that’s how you intend? the plot? to play out — the Big Reveal in the end is that it’s his wife — that’s a spoiler.? And a logline should never contain a spoiler, never give away the ending.

      Which creates a conundrum for you, the writer.? Because right now, that discovery seems to be the story twist, the story hook , the distinguishing selling feature of the story.? So why shouldn’t you pitch it in the logline?

      Because it’s a back loaded story hook.? It’s something an audience has to hang in for 90 minutes or so to see.? And, these days, no audience will wait that long.? There are so many choices, so many distractions, so many competing venues for their attention.

      So what movie makers want to see in a logline is a story hook that’s front loaded .? That is, an event that happens in the 1st 15 minutes or so that will hook and hold an audience’s interest? until the Big Reveal, far, far away in the 3rd Act.?

      What is the front end story hook in this story that will grab an audiences’s attention in the 1st Act and hold it until the Big Reveal in the 3rd Act?

      fwiw

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    4. Valentin Samurai
      2018-08-11T01:49:01+10:00Added an answer on August 11, 2018 at 1:49 am

      Is it some kind of reverse of The Notebook?

      I like the idea, but you need to flesh out the concept more.

      If he is an amnesiac or suffer from Alzheimer’s, should he really live on his own? Maybe having them live in a medically assisted resort make more sense.

      I am assuming that she knows that he is her husband. Why does she not tell him?

      When a lonely and suicidal man falls in love with his elderly neighbour, he has 30 days to convince her to leave the euthanasia centre with him.

      He committed himself to the euthanasia centre that has a policy of 30 days before helping you commit suicide. During the course of the 30 days, he meet the elderly neighbour who told him that she is here because of her husband. Of course, never told but the viewer will assume that the husband is dead. She gave him back the lust for life. He then tries to convince her to leave the facility with him. We then learned that she is his wife. She was at the facility to accompany him, not as part of a suicide pact.

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