Lucy a black twenty something year old living with her Aunt in Maryland, disobeys her Mother and moves to Washington for her childhood best friend?s wedding. There she meets Jimmy a 26 year old, recently divorced army veteran who changes her world view. Together they struggle to themselves and the party

This is way more information than is required in a logline. You only need to hit the key points to get the story across. You’re looking for under 35 words ideally. Check out the “our formula” page for help on how to structure a logline.

You need to think visually. Film is a visual medium so you need to show the audience what’s going on. “who changes her world view”… how does this work visually? What does it look like on screen?

“Together they struggle to themselves and the party”… this line feels unfinished as it makes no sense.

Inciting incident – what is it? You have three currently. Disobeying her mother, moving to Washington, and meeting Jimmy. Which is the one that upsets the balance in her life that she’ll then spend the rest of the film trying to restore?

Goal – She has no goal currently. What is she trying to achieve? What does she want?

You’ve given us a lot of detail that we don’t need and very little of what we do to understand the story.