Chronicles of Genesis
Logline
After watching his mother get killed and his nation being destroyed by the infamous Atlas Crow, leader of the Zodiacs, a hard headed, passionate, trouble maker, Ansel Crawford, joins the Guardians Corps to seek vengeance, but comes to discover that he’s destined to complete an ancient prophecy and save the Universe.
As Nir Shelter said.
Also what is this logline for? ?A feature film as the origin story for a franchise, a long form VOD streaming series? ?Or…?
And I can’t help but notice some similarities between this concept and elements from the the “Final Fantasy” video game series. ?The video game has a character by the name of Atlas Crow and it also has a Guardian Corp, which raises a concern about copyright and trademark infringement.
Too much detail that describes too little.
I suggest you check out the ‘Formula’ tab up top for more details on logline conventions, but in the meantime, you don’t need to mention character names and should keep it under 30 words.
What makes Atlas Crow infamous? Is he a murderous psychopath? A power hungry sociopath? An evil sorcerer? Whatever it is about him that makes him the bad guy needs to be specified, instead of the adjective “…infamous…” – adjectives don’t help loglines, details do.
You need to make a choice about the inciting incident, is it the mother being killed or the destruction of his nation – pick one and mention only it.
You made the cardinal logline sin of not specifying the goal – no goal mean no plot, no plot means no story. So what is it that the main character specifically wants? Oust the usurper? Sit on the throne himself? Kill the bad guy? Revenge alone is negative and not enough, your hero needs to be a hero, i.e do something for the greater good not just himself.
You could specify that it’s his mother’s murder that motivated him (making it the inciting incident) to save his nation from being destroyed (goal).