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wentworthkathleenPenpusher
Posted: April 9, 20162016-04-09T08:09:01+10:00 2016-04-09T08:09:01+10:00In: Thriller

On the verge of a botched murder, a lady Sailor conspires with the victim to wreak revenge.

On the verge of a botched murder, a lady Sailor conspires with the victim to wreak revenge.
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    2 Reviews

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    1. dpg Singularity
      2016-04-09T12:16:48+10:00Added an answer on April 9, 2016 at 12:16 pm

      On the plus side, the main character is female — not enough of them in loglines or in films.

      Unfortunately, the logline is confusing, vague on?several ?points ?and missing key elements.

      One missing element is an ?inciting incident.? We have no idea?what incites her to almost?commit a murder — and? no idea what incites her to switch and conspire with the victim for revenge.

      And who is?the victim???Victim of what??? Is this the?target ?victim of her “botched murder” or a victim of some other crime?

      And how does the character “botch a murder” she’s only “on the verge” of committing?? A more straightforward way to say it?might be?”After botching a murder attempt…”

      And “wreak revenge” on whom?? Who, specifically, ?is the target of her revenge?? And what form is the revenge to take?? Murder?

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    2. FFF Mentor
      2016-04-09T19:46:22+10:00Added an answer on April 9, 2016 at 7:46 pm

      Hello, ? ?I don get it… What murder, what victim?

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