On the verge of a nervous breakdown, uptight librarian Anthe uses alcohol to unlock her repressed urges. When they push her towards violent outbreaks and murder, she must confront her animalistic side before she harms herself or her loved ones.
giannisggeorgiouSamurai
On the verge of a nervous breakdown, uptight librarian Anthe uses alcohol to unlock her repressed urges. When they push her towards violent outbreaks and murder, she must confront her animalistic side before she harms herself or her loved ones.
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“On the verge of a nervous breakdown, uptight librarian Anthe uses alcohol to unlock her repressed urges. When they push her towards violent outbreaks and murder, she must confront her animalistic side before she harms herself or her loved ones.”
First of all, it is general practice to not include names unless they are historical figures or already established characters. (on another note where does the name Anthe come from? I’ve never heard/seen anything like it.) Also, if you haven’t already check out the Training tab at the top of the page for a standard logline formula.
The first sentence is just backstory, so you need to find a way to include it in the rest. “When they push her toward violent outbreaks and murder” and is vague, and since it is the inciting incident, it needs to be specific outbreak. Another vague thing is “repressed urges”. What are these urges? Does she have compulsive urges to kill her family? And how does alcohol “unlock” repressed urges? How does she confront her animalistic side? What does that even mean? Animalistic means that she is driven by her appetite, so she wants to eat people because she sees them as food?
General note is that your post is too vague. She needs an objective goal, meaning you need to state what she must do in order to achieve something specific.
For an example I’m going to make up a goal that is different than your story because I can’t think of a good way to reword it.
Example: (1)When an uptight librarian acts upon her fantasy to kill and eat an annoying regular, (2)she must hide the body and erase all evidence to (3)prevent a (4)police detective from finding out she murdered him. (35)
Not a great example, but it has each of the elements. Using the numbers I included 1 is the inciting inciting incident. 2 is the action she must take to achieve 3, her goal. And 4 is an antagonist. Since it is a visual medium, she needs a visual goal. Something the viewers can watch happening at the end. For example when Superman shuts down the earthquake device to prevent the city from being destroyed.
Hope this helps.
The concept seems to be a variant of the Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde syndrome with alcohol as the triggering agent. ?And on more than one occasion, I’ve witnessed first hand how alcoholism can do that. ?So the concept is credible, though I would characterize it with a different phrase than “animalistic”. ?Be that as it may, as Dkpough1 asked, ?how does ?”confront her animalistic side” translate into a specific, proactive objective goal? ? A positive game plan to overcome ?negative compulsions?
As I said, I find the concept credible, but think it needs polishing, condensation and perhaps some further research. ? Dkpough1 gave some good suggestions. ?Also check out the tips under “Training” at the top of the web page.
I like the character description and think its intriguing to see a protagonist fight disturbing urges underneath, the only note I would offer is the use of the word “they” – who are “they”? To me “they” could be anything between cyborgs or library patrons 🙂