Penpusher
Posted: 2019-02-06T13:57:07+10:00 In:

Once a refugee herself, a newly appointed CEO leads a global military logistics company to relocate millions of stateless refugees, restarting their new lives in a custom-built communist eco-technotropolis utopia.

Once a refugee herself, a newly appointed CEO leads a global military logistics company to relocate millions of stateless refugees, restarting their new lives in a custom-built communist eco-technotropolis utopia.
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    2 Reviews

    1. Singularity

      I agree with Knightrider. It’s just a very long way of describing the protagonist.

      What happens to her that turns her life upside down? What does she try and do to rectify this? ?Story is conflict and currently there is no conflict, just a CEO going about her day to day business. Give us a reason why her story is worth watching.

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    2. Mentor

      You have character motivation, but essentially you have a job rather than a story.

      What is the hook of this premise? Also the character might be distant from the action I.E. As a CEO these people often aren?t getting ?stuck in? so to speak.

      If it was focused on a former refugee turned CEO angered by a system that is meant to help, but held up by red tape decides to help a group they met while accessing efforts get across the border is a more interesting story.

      As it stands, and I don?t mean to dismiss the real suffering of others, it is a little to real life, day to day what makes this a story worth telling that is different than their day to day life.

      Hope that helps

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