One last attempt. Share your thoughts: A bankrupt man ventures into dangerous territory to meet with an old friend who promised him money to pay for his son?s emergency operation.
GeraldLogliner
One last attempt. Share your thoughts: A bankrupt man ventures into dangerous territory to meet with an old friend who promised him money to pay for his son?s emergency operation.
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CHILDREN OF THE NIGHT –
A bankrupt man turns to an old friend to help him pay for?his son’s emergency operation.? But when the old friend demands assistance in a murder plot as compensation, it results in him fighting for his own life in the depraved human trafficking underworld of Los Angeles
Good point by Foxtrot25.
Taking the logline at face value, it implies that the bulk of the 2nd Act, 50-60 pages is about the protagonist tiptoeing through “dangerous territory”. ?But a movie producer has no sense from the logline if the danger zone is hazardous enough, has enough dramatic pitfalls and landmines, to sustain and continually ratchet up the suspense. ?
At what point in the story does the protagonist actually meet his old friend and solicit the money?
But once again, even if the intended hook is for the protag to find someone, get money and then pay for surgery, is that stake enough to fill a whole film? Danger or breaking to law? (good people doing bad things) is nothing new (Denzel movie) and has been done before. Is there something else worth mentioning in this logline that we can help you include?
Also, shouldn’t these threads be chained instead of restarted so that we can easily follow the progress?
A bankrupt man must find an old acquaintance in a dangerous part of (name of territory) in order to secure funds and pay for his son’s high-risk surgery.
Agree with Dkpough1. ? The description of “dangerous territory” is vague, inadequate. Be specific. ?
And why can’t he meet his friend in a safer place, in neutral territory? ?Why MUST he go into that danger zone, whatever it happens to be?
“A bankrupt man ventures into dangerous territory to meet with an old friend who promised him money to pay for his son?s emergency operation.”
The logline has too many vague descriptions. What kind of territory? Gang territory? Hostile government? Racists? What is the danger? That’s what the story is about, isn’t it? So what, in specific terms, is the dangerous obstacle he must face in order to accomplish his goal? ?Does he have to face men with guns, girls with guns, little boys with slingshots? Be more specific, but otherwise it seems okay.