When a doting daughter discovers her father has committed suicide leaving his barbershop bankrupt, she must risk everything, including her sanity, to save the family business and discover the truth about her beloved father’s death.
lavender81Logliner
When a doting daughter discovers her father has committed suicide leaving his barbershop bankrupt, she must risk everything, including her sanity, to save the family business and discover the truth about her beloved father’s death.
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You have given your lead characters two goals in the logline, You might try writing a logline where the lead character has just one goal (Although obviously?keep both goals in the actual story)
Since saving the family barbershop seems to be the main storyline, I would concentrate on that for the logline. Remember loglines are free. Write a few of them.
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“When she inherits her fathers failing barbershop after his apparent suicide, a devoted daughter leaves law school?to save the family business and the beloved workers she grew up with.”
What is “everything” that she’s risking? I get that taking on the family business is a big burden, but this logline doesn’t give me an idea of the specificites of that struggle… is it a huge financial risk? is she giving up other dreams? etc