Logliner
Posted: 2017-07-05T16:02:02+10:00 In:

While escaping a terrorist attack , two biggest female business rivals discover that they are homosexual . For the world they can’t stay together and for them they can’t live apart.

While escaping a terrorist attack , two biggest female business rivals discover that they are homosexual . For the world they can’t stay together and for them they can’t live apart.
Share

    Post a review

    You must login to add an answer.

    To see everything,

    4 Reviews

    1. Logliner

      ?While escaping a terrorist attack , two biggest female business rivals discover that they are homosexual . For the world they can?t stay together and for them they can?t live apart.?

      I think you have a story here just not a compelling understandable LogLine. I would start by changing some of the wording; “two biggest female business rivals”doesn’t exactly roll off the tongue. I love “For the world they can?t stay together and for them they can?t live apart”, but it needs to be reserved for the back of the book, the extended version of Your LogLine if you will, I love line needs to be more detailed and specific. Remember you only have a few words to get across a lot of information don’t waste those words on statements that don’t do anything to convey what your story is.

      Good luck and good writing! ?

      • 0
    2. Singularity

      This, like your many other concepts, sets up a situation, and much like Dkpough1 pointed out, lacks a clear goal.

      Perhaps best if you tuddied the ‘Formula’ tab up top and read more reviews on this site before posting any more loglines. This way you’ll likely have a clearer understanding of crucial logline components.

      • 0
    3. Uberwriter

      As DK advises.

      P.S. I would never in a million years watch this. 🙁

      • 0
    4. Uberwriter

      “While escaping a terrorist attack , two biggest female business rivals discover that they are homosexual . For the world they can?t stay together and for them they can?t live apart.”

      Review the Formula tab at the top of the page for general information on forming a standard logline.

      This logline doesn’t describe a visual action and goal. How does “For the world they can?t stay together and for them they can?t live apart.” translate into a specific, visual goal and action?

      • 0